


Turning Pages

by scrappymitchell



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex fucked up, F/F, It's canon okay, Maggie Sawyer Matters, Post-Season/Series 04, Reunions, Sanvers - Freeform, Sanvers Endgame, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-04-08 07:18:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 35,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19102339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrappymitchell/pseuds/scrappymitchell
Summary: Alex decides to finally move herself on to push her past relationship to the back of her mind no matter how hard it still was. But when Maggie is sent back to National City on a case, the two of them cross paths with every struggle to not reconnect and causes Alex to second guess the decision she made letting Maggie go in the first place.-takes place after season four finale cause we need to fix this on going mess-





	1. Chapter 1

She had been gone for nearly a year. She left eleven months and fifteen days ago. Maggie didn’t have the right to have any hold over her, not anymore. She was the one who left. So why should Alex feel even a fraction of guilt when she kissed someone else? Why should she feel like it was wrong or some kind of betrayal? 

 

There should be no guilt and no doubt. But Alex would also be lying to herself if she said that she didn’t feel even an  _ ounce  _ of it when she leaned forward and kissed Kelly Olsen. The thing was, she actually liked Kelly. It wasn’t like the alcohol fuelled one night stand of which she had with Sara Lance, she actually spent time with Kelly. They got personal with each other and she  _ liked  _ her. Alex didn’t like to talk about Maggie, to this day she still didn’t like talking about her. The pain of losing her,  _ pushing  _ her away never faded. 

 

Alex had panic attacks so many times in the middle of the night on  _ so  _ many occasions about Maggie walking out that door, the nightmares of reliving that night which was the worst in her entire life, her heart left that night with Maggie. It never came back, it never felt like it did until recently. It began to beat again when Ruby came into her life and she bonded with her, and felt it even more so when meeting Kelly. It wasn’t fair. She didn’t want to forget Maggie, she didn’t want to forget her existence or the existence of their relationship, cause it was the best in her life. She just wanted to put it in a box and lock it there for her to move on. 

 

She was trying, her grandmother always said that god loves a trier. But sometimes Alex herself underestimated how god damn difficult that could actually be. Right now she was just grateful to have her sister, have her friends and have someone who could potentially be a big part of her life all here. 

 

When she got back to her apartment after leaving Kelly and the rest of the group, she  _ did  _ go back with a smile on her face. But it was a hesitant, it was the kind that once she actually did it she felt like she had to stop herself. She walked over to the cabinet in the kitchen and took out a bottle of whiskey, not even bothering to get herself a glass, carrying it heavily in her hand when walking over to her bed and sitting down at the side of it. Her feet firmly on the ground as she got lost in thought of a moment about what lay beneath her bed which she always fights against looking at like she was right now. 

 

But her boot this time tucked under the bed and to the back of the box that she slid out to be beside her feet, with the bottle still in her hand, her eyes just remained on the box, it was closed up and worn. It hadn’t been opened in months. She had been doing so well. A swig of the bottle came to her lips and as the whiskey burned down her throat with open arms, Alex put the bottle on the other side of her and then brought the box between her feet. 

 

Her hand rested against her lips as she kept her eyes fixated on the box, a sharp breath slipping from the back of her throat before she opened it up, the first thing seeing was her orange  _ hello sunshine  _ t-shirt. And just like that it came flooding back into her head. 

 

_ “You’re wearing my t-shirt”  _

 

_ “Yeah is that okay?”  _

 

_ “That’s amazing. You’re in my apartment and it’s morning and you  _ **_slept_ ** _ in my apartment and now you’re wearing my t-shirt and making coffee and I can’t believe this is happening and everything coming out of my mouth is  _ **_very_ ** _ cliche” _

 

_ “It’s called being happy get used to it, Danvers”  _

  
  


Maggie’s voice was always so soft, so light and loving that Alex’s stomach flipped every time she spoke. Every time she smiled to her, the dimples that were planted in her perfectly soft cheeks. And the way she kissed her, she could still feel Maggie’s kisses on her lips every time she thought back to them. 

 

She cradled the shirt in her hands, her thumb rubbing softly against the fabric of the shirt. Maggie wore that shirt nearly every night since that day, which then made it borderline impossible for her to start wearing it again when she left. So it went in the box. Alex cleared her throat and put it to the side, seeing the  _ Barenaked Ladies  _ tickets also in the box, the band which would have been their first concert if things hadn’t of gone south that night with Kara. Still, it was a sentimental gesture to Alex. 

 

The note that Maggie left her on their first Valentine's day was also in the box. The corners of it now a little worse for wear but it was still pretty much the same. 

  
  


_ Put this on.  _

_ 311 N. Orchard Street.  _

_ 8pm.  _

  
  


The dress that Maggie got her was still hung up in the very back of the wardrobe, she just didn’t have the heart to get rid of it. After that night, Alex took the corsage that Maggie gave her that night and pressed it to keep it from crumbling and also kept it in here. Another memory soon ringing in her mind. 

  
  


_ “I was too busy nursing my old wounds and I forgot to look at this gorgeous woman in front of me and consider her feelings. You deserve all of this as a girl, the pump and the fuss and you deserve an amazing romance, with a woman who is  _ **_absolutely_ ** _ crazy about you” _

 

_ “Don’t you hate all this?” _

 

_ “Alex, you’re the one woman that could make me like Valentines Day”  _

  
  


Soon her eyes became so filled that tears began to run down her cheeks, she shut her eyes in attempts for them to stop but they just didn’t. They couldn’t. She didn’t let herself think about Maggie too much cause this was what would happen. Every time. 

 

The engagement rings were also in the corner of the box, tucked away in a velvet box, she couldn’t bare to open and look at them. But just knowing that they were there was enough to make her emotions slip even more. 

  
  


_ “Are you ever gonna want to have kids?” _

 

_ “I want  _ **_you_ ** _ ”  _

 

_ “Yeah I know, babe...but I want kids...I am always gonna want kids” _

 

_ “Then there’s nothing else left. You have to say it” _

 

_ “Maggie-”  _

 

_ “You have to say it out loud, please”   _

 

_ “We can’t be together”  _

  
  


Alex sat back up straight and covered her face with her palms before dropping her back against the mattress, her palms still kept her eyes covered as her tears now ran past her temples and dropped down onto the bed. Feeling the lump still in her throat as she silently just wished for Maggie to just leave her mind. It was her own fault, she’s the one who had opened the box but that was only because Maggie was already there, out of the box she keeps in her mind. 

 

The ringing of Maggie saying  _ “I want you”  _ played over and over again, more times that she cared to admit. Sometimes she hated herself for not being able to look past the kid thing and just be with Maggie like she really wanted. But sometimes she even hated Maggie, resented her anyway, for not even trying to get on board with the kid idea. She didn’t even want to  _ try.  _ And that part of it all was something she still had bitterness about. 

 

Alex put her arms beside her let blew out a heavy breath when opening her eyes back up and stared right up to the ceiling, which she used to do a few times after Maggie left. It was one of those nights where everything and anything was reminding her of Maggie.

 

She missed her. She hated missing her. 

 

She tried her best to focus on tonight, to focus on Kelly and how sweet, attractive and wholesome she was.  _ That  _ should be her primary focus, she should be happy, excited even on what might be developing between the two of them. Alex sat back up and looked right back down to the box, taking hold of shirt and placing it once again back in the box before resting her arms down on her knees and letting out another small breath as she muttered “I’m sorry, Mags” 

 

Alex folded the box back up and pushed the box back underneath the bed with her heel, grabbing hold of the bottle “But you need to go back in the box” 

 

She bit her lip and gripped harder onto the bottle as she took one more heavy swig before getting back on her feet and crossing back over to the kitchen to put the bottle back where it came from. 

* * *

 

**Metropolis.**

 

The spray of bullets came over from the barricade that was infiltrated by a gang of highly weaponized thugs that were trying to take very important pieces of equipment from Bakerline Nuclear Power Station, no one knew  _ what  _ but everyone knew it didn’t matter. Maggie kept herself crouched behind the police car, every so often she reached up and over and took her best shot. She just  _ strayed  _ away from a bullet hitting her arm, skimming against it and ripping her shirt but not coming in any contact with her skin. 

 

It just felt warm, like a sharp warm sting which caused a groan to slip from her mouth as she set herself back down onto the ground. A fellow officer glanced over to her when hearing the groan come from her, Maggie glancing to him and just dismissing his concern in a small swift wave before she turned back around to take another shot.

 

But before she had the chance to do anything else, they were joined by Metropolis’s very own krypton. Superman came flying in and began to fight the thugs off piece by piece, throwing them into cars, walls, anything really to stop them without killing them. After all these were no aliens, just casual human low lives.

 

Superman walked over to Maggie and her Chief as other officers ran over and arrested the thugs, he smiled to them gently “Looked like you could use a little help” 

 

Maggie tried to stay away from Superman as much as she could ever since she came to Metropolis. Not because he was a bad guy, in fact it was the complete opposite he was  _ Superman  _ for Christ sake he was one of the best guys to co-exist with the human race.  It was more to do with the fact that, well, he  _ was  _ Superman, cousin to Supergirl who is the sister of the love of her life also known as her ex-fiancee Alex Danvers. It was too close to home, too close to Alex. 

 

She had avoided seeing him or speaking to him since she got here but now it seemed to not be effective. Henderson gave Superman a tight smile with his hands in his pockets and nodded sternly “Always can do with your help, Superman. Thank you” 

 

Superman just smiled to them again and then looked to Maggie, his smile turning into a perfect grin as he held his hand out “I don’t think we’ve met” 

 

Henderson flickered his eyes to Maggie “Oh. Yeah. Superman this is Detective Maggie Sawyer, Detective Sawyer I’m sure you know this man already” 

 

Maggie cleared her throat and gave a mere tight smile as she put her hand in his for a brief shake, practically seeing the gears in his mind turn as his head tilts to her with realisation pouring on his face “Oh my god,  _ Maggie _ . I don’t know why it took my a minute to recall. I heard about you and Alex” 

 

“Not surprising” Maggie said with a face as polite as possible and she dropped her hand “It was a long time ago now” 

 

It didn’t feel like it, but she supposed in the grand scheme of things it was. It had been over a year.  _ Just _ . Superman smiled in a more awkward fashion before it dropped when he spoke sincerely “I am sorry. When I heard” quickly he cleared his throat as soon as she just looked down to the ground and glanced to Henderson and his confused face “I better be going. Till next time, H” 

 

Just like that he flew up and away, Henderson looked to Maggie who was still beside him “You and Superman know each other”

 

Maggie with drew a heavy breath as she tucked her hands in her back pocket jeans and glanced to him for a brief moment before letting out a brief clearing of the throat and mumbled when looking forward “He knows my ex. That’s all” 

 

She stepped back and away before anything more could be said, not that Henderson would exactly have anything to add on of course. Maggie gripped onto the back of her neck all the way to her police car before she dropped them down onto the roof of it and just leaned against it for a moment. 

  
  


_ “We just started this okay? You and me. And it’s not gonna end. Not today, not for a long time. We just had our first Valentine’s Day and I want more with you” _

  
  


Maggie pinched the bridge of her nose when standing up straight and kept her eyes closed. 

  
  


_ “Those firsts that you talked about. I want to have them all with you. I never wanna stop having firsts with you, I love you, Maggie Sawyer” _

 

_ “I love you, Alex Danvers” _

 

_ “Yeah?” _

 

_ “Yeah”  _

 

She proceeded to clear her throat and briefly rubbed the tip of her nose when attempting to regain a fracture of her composure, she opened the car door and got in the vehicle before allowing herself to think anything more of it. But when she got in the car all that she could now think of was just Alex.

 

Alex and the wonder on how she was doing. 

* * *

 

The next morning, Alex walked into the DEO with Kara already being there and having some serious eyebrow raise to her in the best possible way. She already knew what this meant, it meant that either Nia or Brainy had decided to tell her what they saw last night with Alex kissing Kelly. To be honestly it was most likely both of them at separate times, they both loved to gossip. 

 

Alex rolled her eyes and kept them off of her sister as she walked past her, Kara still having a grin on her face, turning on her heel to follow her older sister “So. You had a good night last night” 

 

“Which one was it?” 

 

“Please who are you trying to kid, it was both of them” 

 

Once again Alex just rolled her eyes and carried on walking through the headquarters to the main region “Can we please not look too into it?”

 

“Fine” Kara said in that kind of high tone that told Alex that she was so  _ not  _ going to let it just drop, she heard Kara’s footsteps speed up a little to them grip onto her arm “But oh my  _ god  _ you and Kelly Olsen! Like James’  _ sister _ !”

 

“Yeah, Kara. I know who she is” 

 

“Yeah you do” Kara prattled with a grumbled giggle on the back of her throat afterwards, having Alex glare at her again which cause Kara to laugh breathlessly “Come on, don’t blame me for being excited for you! You haven’t even  _ looked _ at anyone since Maggie” 

 

Alex pressed her lips together and glanced down to the floor with her sister then adding “I mean-for good reason of course but y’know. It’s just it’s good to hear that you are moving on”

 

With Kara still walking with her, Alex just scratched the back of her head and still said nothing on the matter. Because she was still very much up in the air about the whole thing, she had envisioned kissing Kelly a few times when they were getting to know each other and never felt anything like guilt. But when she actually did it, despite being happy and getting all mushy inside, the small ounce of it came to the pit of her stomach. 

 

Alex walked over to the front of the DEO and leaned down against the table, rubbing her palms together before Kara came up and leaned beside her “You gonna take her out on a date?”

 

A small smirk whipped across Alex’s face as she swayed her head softly from side to side “Well, I guess it would be rude not to” 

 

“Hell yeah it would!  _ Ah  _ I’m so excited for you. I like her by the way”

 

“Oh nice to have the Kara Danvers seal of approval thank you” Alex couldn’t help but tease to her with a small wink. Alex let out a small breath and stood up straight as she strummed her fingers against the desk “Okay. Enough about all of this we have actual work to do” 

 

Her head turned when seeing J’onn coming over, thinking that he was going to be coming in with some information for her, ever since he retired he had been coming in with some intel but instead he just folded his arms and raised a brow to her “Nia and Brainy have big mouths you know, Alex. I would at least be a bit more discreet when kissing people” 

 

“Since when was my personal endeavors the high talk of this place just tell me why you’re here and please tell me you have some information for me” 

 

J’onn just looked at her for a moment and saw the borderline embarrassment that was on her face with it all. Practically blushing bright red. He respected her well enough to let it go, and looked at Kara in a way to tell her to do the same. 

 

A new alien  _ possible  _ threat came back up onto the screen for them to investigate. Alex tried her very best just to focus on that. There was then a few voices coming from behind them, all three of them looked over their shoulders to see James walking in with Kelly, who had hardly ever seen the base of the DEO in person, if ever actually. 

 

It was obvious that she had decided to come visit at this moment in time after she and Alex had  _ their  _ moment. And Alex could practically hear the excited grin coming from Kara’s face. Alex then glanced over to see Brainy by his computer and gave him a look as if to say  _ ‘keep your mouth shut’  _ to which he took as a full threat and sunk back into his chair. 

 

Alex turned her head back to Kelly and James and smiled to them, seeing Kelly did make her feel warm and gooey inside. It was a feeling that she hadn’t felt in a long time, it wasn’t as deep and as fulfilling but it was still a feeling. James slapped his hands together and glanced to his sister before looking back to Alex with a smug smirk on his face that Alex really just wanted to smack, he held his hands up and said as he looked and walked over to Kara “I was just playing tour guide” 

 

Alex just rubbed her hands together awkwardly and took a step forward to Kelly with a tight smile on her face, sudden nerves climbing up and through her body “Hi” her voice came out light and like a whisper. 

 

Kelly looked at her with pure endurance in her eyes “Hi” 

 

It had been a while since someone looked at Alex like that. A long god awful while. Alex felt eyes suddenly all on her, she got it. People were happy about the fact that she was seeing someone again but that doesn’t mean she had to have a spotlight on her for it all. Alex put her hand on Kelly’s arm and gently turned her around for the two of them to walk away for the slightest amount of privacy that she could get. 

 

Kelly’s eyes went back to her with a still soft look on her face “Look I hope it isn’t weird that I showed up here. It’s just that James said he was coming here and I-dunno I guess I wanted to see you” 

 

Alex smiled to her and shrugged “It isn’t weird. It’s actually nice having someone come to see me” 

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah” 

 

When they were further away, Kelly stopped them both from walking and pulled her to the side “Listen I just came here to say that...well I like you. If my complete cringe worthy speech last night wasn’t enough to say that. I do. And I’d like to take you out” 

 

Alex’s small smile turned more into a smirk, cocking her brow to her with a tease spilling from her lips “Really?”

 

“More than anything,  _ really _ ” Kelly chuckled, light heartedly shrugging her shoulders “So what do you say?” 

 

Alex glanced around quickly before stepping forward, closer to Kelly, and taking her eyes deeply back into hers before squinting to her with a nod “I’d say tomorrow at seven is good for me”

 

Kelly grinned to her “Tomorrow at seven is good for me too” her eyes then too glanced around and despite there not being anyone there, she still didn’t think kissing her all romantically would look good for Alex, but still she couldn’t help when leaning forward and kissing her on the cheek for a swift soft moment. 

 

And a small flash of when Maggie used to do that ran through her mind. But no, Alex was letting go. She saw it as normal to make comparisons to an ex, it was fine. This was fine. She was moving on for the first time, all this could be expected. And Kelly kissing her felt good, it gave her that whole stomach flip thing...that  _ Maggie  _ used to give her. 

 

Alex smiled to her before clearing her throat and pointing with her thumb over her shoulder “I should get back to…” 

 

“Oh yeah of course” 

 

Alex turned slightly on her heel with her hands linked together, biting on her lip before raising her brows to Kelly and sweetly cooed “You wanna join?” 

 

“I was hoping you’d say that” Kelly breathed with utter relief, leaning against Alex for a brief moment as the two of them expressed small laughters when walking back down the hall and back over to work. 

 

Now suddenly feeling like it was Alex who was bringing Kelly to work instead of James. 

* * *

 

Maggie was sat by her desk, rounding up some files from her old case that she finished up a few days ago. Since coming back from the Nuclear Power Station things had gone a little slow, not that she was complaining, it actually meant she would be able to sneak out earlier. Course it would only result in her either dragging herself to her hardly furnished apartment or the cop bar within walking distance from it. The result was always the same that she was drinking alone tonight. She hasn’t exactly made any friends since moving here, she doesn’t really want to. 

 

_ “I think that when your parents didn’t accept you, you stopped trusting people that are closest to you and I totally get that. But Maggie, you don’t have to be guarded with me, okay? I am not here to judge you for things that happened in the past I am here to help you  _ **_heal_ ** _ ” _

 

She tossed the file back down on the table and sat back in her chair when letting out another heavy breath with her whole chest. Resting her fingers against her temple, but before she was allowed to get lost back in her desk, Henderson came over to her chest which caused her to sit up straight and clear her throat to show her undivided attention to her boss. 

 

Henderson kept his hands in his pockets and called to her before just making it to the desk “Sawyer” 

 

“Sir” Maggie responded in the same bold tone, turning in her chair to him. Henderson came to a stop and glanced around before saying in a more quiet voice between the two of them “You’re being relocated” 

 

“I’m-excuse me?” 

 

“Back to National City. Warren expects you back there tomorrow morning, ten am” with just those words he turned on his heel and went to walk away with Maggie just gaping at him, words got jammed in her throat before managing to get on her feet and take a step forward “But Sir I-” 

 

She pressed her lips together and looked around to see some officers now looking up to her as Henderson looked back, Maggie took her eyes onto him again and spoke softly “Sir I asked to be transferred  _ from  _ NCPD, that’s the whole reason of me being here”

 

“I understand. But I owe Warren a favour, he asked for you to help out on this case and no one else” 

 

More words got jammed in Maggie’s throat at the thought of being back in the same city as Alex shooting waves of nerves through her body, as well as now just feeling plain nauseous. Her hand flattened against her stomach when taking in a small breath and shook her head “Please, Sir. I would prefer not to go back to National City, I haven’t got the best history with it” 

 

One of Henderson’s hands came out of his pockets and laid it out flat in front of her with his brows creasing together “I get that it must be a burden being everyone’s favourite Detective, Sawyer. But this is not some personal visit you are going there on a job. When it’s done you are welcomed back here. But you’re going” 

 

He returned his hand to his pocket and turned again, this time Maggie didn’t call to him to try and argue her case, because knew that it was going to be a losing battle anyway. Another heavy  _ disbelieved  _ breath withdrew from her lips, briefly looking around as she turned back and sat down in her chair back behind her desk. Her head immediately dropping in her hands. 

 

All that she wanted was a fresh start, but she knew that every second she stayed in National City would delay that. She knew that she didn’t have to see Alex, but the thing was, Alex was everywhere in that city. The streets that they walked down together hand in hand and laughing were still there. The hot dog cart that was on the corner of 22nd street that they always went to on Saturday nights after work was always going to be there. 

 

Her  _ apartment  _ was close to the police department, of course she was going to see it. Alex was within such close range of her work place there it scared her at the chance of seeing her, it’s one of the driving forces as to why she left, she knew it would be too hard. 

 

But despite the fact that she didn’t like this idea, she was going to back to National City.

* * *

 

**Okay first chapter I'm hoping this went well. Let me just say _no_ I am not making this into a love triangle, no has time for that besides we know who would win. But YES this was basically the set up to it all and I hope anyone reading has enjoyed the first installment so far please drop a kudo if you did and comment below on your thoughts it'd mean a lot x x **

 


	2. Chapter 2

Usually Maggie didn’t really mind early mornings. She was always the earlier riser out of her and Alex, once she tried to lie in for Alex to get up before her to make the morning coffee but she would end up just getting so restless at how long Alex would take to wake up sometimes. 

 

Waking up earlier was even easier now that she would sleep alone. It was still an adjustment. A year  _ with  _ Alex in her bed, and then a year without. She knew which one she preferred. But waking up to having to go back to National City where her heart was crushed and left there, something made her want to stay in bed for just a little longer than usual. But it took her just over an hour to get back to National City and if NCPD wanted her back in their station for 10am, she was going to have to get a move on. 

 

The crummy apartment that she had in this city was nothing she would miss, boxes were still packed, not that there was much anyway and all she really had was her bedding and a sofa with some things in the fridge. It wasn’t home, there was no homely decorations around the place. She wouldn’t know what to put up. Family photos? The only family she had was Alex.  _ Had  _ being the key word. 

 

She planned on making a home for herself at some point, getting that dog she always told herself that she would get. But right now she really just couldn’t shake herself to doing it. Maggie dragged herself out of bed and grabbed the duffel bag that she left National City with from the top of her wardrobe, having to reach up on her tiptoes to grab it. She missed having someone taller to grab things for her.

 

She hooked her finger around the strap and pulled it down, tossing it on the bed and opening it up before she turned back to her wardrobe and grabbed her clothes. Which was basically two pairs of dark jeans which were pretty much the same, her leather jacket, all the dark toned sweaters she owned and a couple flannels. 

 

The one thing had stayed the same this past year was certainly her dress code. 

  
  


_ “We’re late for work”  _

 

_ “I don’t care if I ever go to work again. I mean can’t we just quit? And stay here in this apartment. Forever” _

 

_ “I don’t know about forever but maybe we can just settle for the morning?”  _

 

_ “We could call in sick” _

 

_ “Maybe”  _

 

_ “I’ve got the black lung”  _

 

_ “The black lung?”  _

  
  


The laughter echoed in her mind like some unwanted ghost, forcing her to close her eyes to try and get rid of it from her head. She tried to just carry on and finished packing up her bags. She tried not to think too much if she saw Alex. Would she even want to see her? It would be easier not to but it would also kill her wondering where she was and  _ how  _ she was. 

 

She still loved her so much that it was painful, the fact that Alex was still in her heart like this was something she wanted to resent but deep down it was also something she knew she wouldn’t have any other way. 

 

Maggie couldn’t help but wonder if Alex was with someone new now, it wouldn’t surprise her. It wouldn’t surprise her that people would want Alex. Hell, she still wanted Alex. The selfish part of her hoped that she hadn’t, but the part that loved Alex truly hoped that she was happy even if that was with someone else. 

 

The folding of her clothes became less delicate when the thoughts filled her more and more, now just shoving them into the bag as her eyes teared up when all her head could think of right now was Alex and Alex  _ maybe  _ moving on, she just wanted to stock the bag up enough to then just zip it up as quickly as she could, she grabbed her khaki jacket on the way out of the place and didn’t even need to look twice at the apartment she called her now  _ home,  _ she just left.

 

Maggie stepped out into the hall and put her bag on her shoulder. Running her fingers through her hair and letting out a small exhale from her nose as she turned her head down the hallway. 

 

Well she had got out of her apartment, step one was done. 

* * *

 

Alex dodged J’onn’s swing as she bent down beneath his arm, hitting him back in his ribs before pushing him back and returning to her stance of feet apart and fists held up to her chest. J’onn looked to her and raised his brows at her when asking before taking another hit “You got something on your mind?” 

 

His arm reached forward for a punch, Alex gripped onto his arm as his fist went just past the side of her face, letting out a small breath and shaking her head briefly “Nope” her feet hooked behind his ankle in one sweet swoop and took him off his feet, J’onn falling flat on his back. 

 

Alex dropped her hand to her hips as she let out some exhausted breaths, throwing her head back to the ceiling for a few seconds before going right back down to the floor as she took small paces. J’onn propped himself up on his elbows for a moment and then pushed himself up “You’re distracted”

 

“I’m not-”

 

“Alex” 

 

Alex stopped her walking and just looked to him, she folded her arms and shrugged “Okay maybe I’m nervous about tonight. _Maybe_ ” 

 

A small amused hum came from J’onn’s lips as he slowly bobbed his head “I get it, big night. First date since…” he cleared his throat “First date” 

 

“Yeah” Alex laughed breathlessly, gripping onto the back of her neck “And I really don’t want to screw anything up like I did the last time” 

 

“You didn’t screw anything up the last time” J’onn attempted to reassure her but a small scoff just escaped from the young agent. She knew that wasn’t true, she knew that breaking up with Maggie because of a pipedream was a mistake. Leaving her _was_ screwing up. 

 

No matter what Kara or J’onn, or pretty much  _ anyone  _ could say that would tell her different. They were trying to make her feel better but it didn’t mean what they were saying was true. Alex dropped her arms into a fold over her chest, strumming her fingers against her biceps before shrugging her shoulders at him “Except. Y’know I did” 

 

“You and Maggie had different things that you wanted” 

 

“Did we?” Alex asked with a small scoff in the back of her throat, running her fingers through the side of her hair whilst taking a small sigh “I don’t know-the more time I’ve had to think about the whole baby thing. It doesn’t feel right, not anymore” 

 

J’onn looked at her with  _ extreme  _ confusion. He knew that in the beginning of the break up Alex had the whole  _ what the hell have I done  _ thing going through her mind which was to be expected, but he just figured that she had gotten over that stage and went back to pursuing motherhood. But it appears not. 

 

“Alex-” 

 

Before anything more could have been said, the door opened with Brainy practically falling in through the door “That Alien trafficking group! I’ve got their location” 

 

Alex glanced briefly to J’onn as he did the same, silently agreeing perhaps  _ now  _ they could put this conversation on hold but really Alex had no plans in continuing it, which deep down J’onn knew himself. She headed towards the door and Brainy before even giving it a second thought. If sparring was going to distract her, maybe infiltrating a no longer hidden alien trafficking base would make her feel better.

 

“Where’s Supergirl?” Alex asked when walking through the base and towards the changing room to get into her uniform, with Brainy answering her as he walked beside “She’s already heading there” 

 

“And Dreamer?” 

 

“Nia was at Cat-Co this morning, we’re not sure if she knows” 

 

Oh she will know, Alex had no doubt that Nia knew everything. Alex took a left and headed up the stairs, calling to get a car ready cause she would quite literally be just two minutes. 

 

When getting into the changing room, her phone buzzed in her bag. 

 

_ Kelly [2:34PM]: Reservation all set. See you tonight x _

 

Alex hummed with a small smile. 

 

_ Alex [2:35PM]: Great, excited to see you x _

 

After sending the text she stared at it and saw how pretty unenthusiastic it came across. But then again she assumed that she was just overthinking it. She just tossed her phone back in her bag and headed out after quickly getting changed. 

* * *

 

Not knowing how long she would even be here, Maggie just got herself a room in a motel close enough to the police station to walk. It was a low fee and still livable, it would do. 

 

She would stay with that friend she told Alex she is staying with when they broke up, but that friend didn’t actually exist. She came back to this very motel after their break up. A friend offered sure, but she wanted to be alone. She still does on so many levels. 

 

Maggie tossed her bag into the room before heading right on back out since they  _ demanded  _ for her to come back to the police station in the nice early morning. She made her way to the station on foot, as soon as she walked through the door it was like walking into an old playground, where she was absolutely the ruler of back in the day. 

 

As she walked through the station she had officers look to her, smiling and giving small waves as she past them like some welcome home, honestly she just wanted to get this case, do it as a favour to Warren and get the hell back out of National City before her temptation made her do something stupid like knock on Alex’s door. Which was why she figured it would be best if she didn’t have a drink whilst she was here. 

 

She walked through and into the detectives office. One of her old colleagues threw her arms in the air “Dear God it’s like I’m seeing a ghost”

 

Maggie grinned with a small giggle erupting from the back of her throat as the redhead at her desk got up, Maggie’s arms slowly parting for an embrace “Carter” 

 

Detective Carter put her arms around Maggie “It’s been a hot minute” she pulled back to her and raised her brows “I miss you round here. Still can’t believe you left me to drown in with a bunch of boys”

 

Maggie exhaled a sharp amused breath before shrugging her shoulders “Sorry. Had to break up with the whole city” 

 

Carter just pulled an awkward expression for a brief moment “How’ve you been in the new place?” 

 

Maggie stuck her hands in her back jean pockets and merely let out a long shrug “It’s good y’know-fine” she bowed her head for a moment and tucked her hair behind her ear which was a sign to Carter that Maggie didn’t really want to go on with it any further. 

 

Luckily, Warren came out of his office and made a scene so that Maggie didn’t have to answer anymore possible personal questions. Much like Carter, he threw his arms in the air as he walked over to her, there certainly was a more family feel to the NCPD compared to Metropolis. But maybe that’s just because she had a more settled life here. 

 

“Sawyer! Good to see you” 

 

Maggie slapped her hand in his for a  _ professional _ yet still warm handshake, smiling to him gently “Sir. Good to see you too. I assume the case you want me to take care of is specialised?” 

 

Warren’s eyes flickered to Carter who tightly smiled and held her hands up as she returned over to her desk, Warren just nodded for Maggie to follow him into his office which she did with heavy feet. As soon as they walked into the office, she let out a stressed sigh and folded her arms “Really hope that what you’ve got here is worth the trip” 

 

“Liking it too much in Metropolis, Sawyer?”

 

Avoiding eye contact for a moment she just muttered with her eyes fixated on the window to the view of the city “Not exactly just not a fan of National City anymore” 

 

“Well I’ll have you out of here as soon as I can, believe me I wouldn’t have called you in if I didn’t think you were the best and only person for the job”

 

Maggie looked back over and shrugged her shoulders when taking a step closer to the desk “Yeah? Flattery? What are we looking at?” 

 

“Homicide to the first degree” he slapped the files down on the desks of the pictures “It was inhumane, in more than one way” 

 

Martian homicide, something she had been missing out on more in Metropolis. Maggie picked up the file with Warren adding “We’ve noticed markings on the two victims. We think it’s an underground thing” 

 

“Meaning you think it’s like some alien cult terror situation” Maggie looked back up to him and just saw the look on his face which was plain as well as saying that  _ yes  _ that was what he was thinking, looking at the markings she presumed the same too. Maggie dropped the files back down on the desk and put her hands on her hips when looking up to him “I’ll stay on it” 

 

“I knew I could count on you, Sawyer” 

 

Maggie pressed her lips together and then couldn’t help but ask “This case. It isn’t in association with-the  _ FBI _ ? Or any other unique task force?” 

  
  


_ “Who are you?” _

 

_ “Detective Maggie Sawyer NCPD Science Division we handled all cases involving aliens and things that go bump in the night. Showed you mine, show me yours” _

 

_ “Alex Danvers. Secret Service”  _

  
  


Warren shook his head to her “Just you, Detective” he cocked his head to her with a small smirk “Come on, I know you’re a  _ little  _ bit excited to be back on your old stomping ground?”

 

A small smirk tugged on Maggie’s lips before she answered his question with one of her own “Do you have officers at the scene now?”

 

“We do” 

 

Maggie slapped her hands to her thighs as she took a step back towards the door “Then I better get started” 

 

Warren watched her open the door and called as she walked down the office “Good to have you back, Sawyer!” 

 

“You don’t have me back, Sir!” 

* * *

 

Considering how nervous Alex was for this date, it was actually going pretty well. Kelly had booked out a really nice restaurant downtown. They talked about things that they hadn’t discussed with each other before. Nothing even too deep, a lot of it was just the casual questions of childhood, did they always want to be in the profession that they’re in, the casual first date questions. 

 

They had good food, good drinks and good conversation. It was  _ nice _ , Kelly was nice. Did Alex feel the same flying sparks that she felt two years ago? Not exactly. But she didn’t expect to, what she felt with Maggie was a once in a lifetime thing. 

 

But still as a first date, it was a good first date. And Alex even wanted a second, she did want to have herself move on and see how things went with Kelly. But she wanted to go so very extremely slow, when you’ve been scarred so much by your previous relationship the next one to take, tends to be a more cautious one. They had their meal and then moved to the bar of restaurant for a few more drinks. 

 

“Do you miss it?” Kelly asked as Alex took a sip of her wine, Alex raising a brow and asking right back after drinking “Do I miss Seattle?”

 

“Yeah” 

 

“No” Alex laughed breathlessly, setting the glass down on the bad “No, god where I worked there was a  _ lot  _ of drama. It makes the DEO seem like a haven, seriously”  

 

As Kelly let out a small laugh, Alex dropped her hands down to her lap and asked her a question right back “Do you miss serving?” 

 

Kelly pulled a pondering expression when thinking about it and shrugged off one shoulder “Sometimes. I mean-war is  _ war  _ y’know but the people I was with was what made it worth it. I wouldn’t have met my fiance if not so” 

 

“Sorry I-” 

 

“Alex” Kelly’s hand fell on her arm “It’s fine. Talking about her doesn’t hurt anymore, I’m just glad to have the relationship anyway” 

 

It was a smart and admirable way of looking at it, and though Alex got the  _ glad to have the relationship  _ part down, the being okay talking about it was something she hadn’t been able to master yet. Kelly tilted her head to her “Don’t worry. You’ll start feeling that too” 

 

Alex stared at her for a moment, not realising that her thoughts were that obvious. But it was painted on her face, it was as easy to see as it was to look through glass. She cleared her throat and tried to brush it off when taking her glass to her lips, Kelly keeping her eyes on her “You know. If you think this is too soon” 

 

“It’s not” Alex quickly reassured in attempts to convince the both of them. How could it be too soon? It’s been a year, pretty much. She couldn't hold of dating new people forever. She smiled to her, putting her hand onto the woman beside her and gave it a brief squeeze to further her statement “Really”

 

“Okay” Kelly hummed back and then glanced to their glasses and raised her brows to them as they were empty “Are we having another? Or are we calling it a night?”

 

Alex sucked in a breath and gave her a light closed mouth smile “You know, on a usual night. I would but-”

 

“But you’ve been kicking ass all day and you have to do the same tomorrow” 

 

The agent then leaned forward and whispered with her hands to her chest “Does that make me a terrible first date?” 

 

“No” Kelly piped when giving Alex a playful shrug “It doesn’t. It is pretty late now anyway. They’ll be other nights for more of this, right?”

 

“Is that you asking me out on a second date?” 

 

“Depends on what your answer would be”

 

Alex pressed her lips together and tried to ignore another flashing memory that came through her mind of holding Maggie at night, of her fingers entwining and curling around hers. Brushing her hair off her shoulder to kiss her skin, her  _ unbelievably  _ soft skin. 

  
  


_ “Are you sure you wanna give up on this? You sure you wanna do this? Give up on something tangible and real? Us, it’s us. For some notion you have of being a mom” _

  
  


Alex recalled that her response to that was saying that the mom thing was not some notion, but now, she didn’t quite believe that anymore. She wasn’t sure anymore. She dragged her tongue along her bottom lip and then looked back up to Kelly with a tight smile back on her face “It’d be yes” 

 

“Then yes I was asking”  

 

Alex hummed a small laugh and briefly raised her brows to her, as far as smooth attempts went that wasn’t so bad. They paid their tab at the bar and then walked out of the restaurant, they reached outside and turned to each other for a brief silent moment. Alex pointed one way down the street claiming she was  _ that  _ way and Kelly pointed to the other as her course of direction. 

 

“I’ll call you” Alex promised in a delicate voice, Kelly biting her lip with a smile before nodding her head “Good” her hand reached up to the back of Alex’s neck and pulled her in for a kiss. And Alex wanted to have that instant electric feeling  _ so  _ much but she just didn’t, it was like the kiss fell flat within her it just wasn’t exactly causing her stomach to do flips. But she told herself all in due time, if she just kept on seeing her, the fireworks would come. Not everyone could have a Maggie Sawyer effect on her. 

 

She pulled back from her, slowly and sweetly, giving Kelly a warm look before the two of them parted ways down the street. Alex calling herself a cab when she walked down and little further and got herself in the car to the apartment. 

 

On her first date with Maggie, their first official date, she went home having to practically  _ hold  _ her stomach from the fluttering feelings that she was feeling that night. She felt like she slept with a hanger in her mouth that night she couldn’t stop smiling. Their first date was filled with such chemistry and tension. The way that Maggie would brush her hand next to Alex’s when they talked, the eye contact that they locked on with each other that entire night. And the way that Maggie kissed her that night, slow and tender. It made her go weak at the knees and she never had that until Maggie. She hasn’t had it since. 

 

Her reflection of her first date with Maggie took her back to her apartment sooner than she thought. Alex paid the cab driver with a tip and got out and into the apartment building. She remembered the first time she brought Maggie up here to the apartment, she remembered kissing her hard and pulling her over to the bed, she remembered her first time with Maggie. Her first time with a  _ woman _ . It was like nothing she had ever known before. Something she could carry with her for good. 

 

Alex walked into the apartment, putting the keys into the bowl as she walked over the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee before she was going to get changed and get herself into bed. It had been such a long day she truly was exhausted. It was a good kind of exhaustion. She set her phone on the side when turning to the coffee machine and taking a cup out to pour. 

 

She strummed her fingers along the counter until the machine was ready and then poured the hot beverage into her cup before adding two sugars and turning back around to her phone as it vibrated. It was a text from Kelly, basically making sure Alex got home okay and making a small joke about how she could say no to get out of a second date.

 

Alex let out a small amused hum and text back that yes she was fine and no she won’t be using an excuses. Her phone laid back down on the counter, Alex went to cross over the apartment with her coffee still in her hand to get changed for bed when the door had a knock come from it. 

 

She wasn’t quite sure who would be knocking at this time of night but she went anyway, setting the cup down on the side table and looking through the peephole, she saw no one there. Either this was something weird or kids were picking a stupid time of the night to ding dong ditch someone. Alex unlocked the door and pulled it open to see if the colporate was still around “Hey-” 

 

And just by seeing the back of her head, Alex knew, and all the words came to a stop from her mouth. Maggie stopped but didn’t turn, suddenly feeling too stunned by the sound of Alex’s voice. As soon as she knocked on the door she knew it was a mistake. She stayed still for a few more seconds until she heard Alex speak again in a soft, completely still shocked breath “Maggie?” 

 

Alex took a step out into the hallway, feeling like this was some kind of dream, still being in complete belief. Suddenly Maggie turned, which completely took Alex’s breath away. She hadn’t seen her in a year, and knowing that only made her heart race faster. 

 

Maggie spoke before giving herself a chance to even  _ look  _ at Alex properly “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have knocked-I shouldn’t have even come here I just-I guess the curiosity of how you were dragged me here. I’m sorry” 

 

Alex just gaped at her with her eyes beginning to fill, Maggie already having a head start on that. Alex shook her head and could only ask “What  _ are  _ you doing here? In National City I mean, I thought you-”

 

“Moved. Yeah I did, I have I’m just here on a relocation based cased. Warren asked for me”

 

Of course he did, she was Maggie Sawyer, there was only  _ one  _ Detective Maggie Sawyer. As a small silence rose between them, Maggie finally allowed herself to  _ really  _ look at her ex-fiance. She looked amazing, still so incredibly perfect. She had been out, that was clear. Maggie couldn’t help but wonder if she had been on a date. She looked back up to Alex and delicately smiled when noticing something else. 

 

“You cut your hair” her hand faintly motioning over her own side of her hair to mirror where Alex had it shaved. That alone almost made Alex blush, but she just nodded and whispered “Yeah” 

 

Alex then let out a shrug as she remained holding herself “How are you?” 

 

“I’m okay” Maggie pressed her lips together “Are you?”

 

The agent tugged a gently smile when just nodding. Maggie withdrew a sigh “I’m sorry that I came here, Alex” 

 

Alex sucked in a breath with her voice coming out  _ extra  _ light “Are you?” 

 

Maggie just stared at her for a few seconds and shrugged “Should I be?” 

 

“I-” Alex shrugged and ran her fingers through her hair before dropping it back down to her arm that was still across her body, then avoiding the question completely with a question of her own “Were you initially just going to come into the city and then leave without me knowing?” 

 

“Honestly? I don’t know” Maggie swallowed thickly “Cause I have to try and not be selfish and think about what would be best for you. Maybe for both of us” 

 

What Alex took that as is Maggie wanted to see her, but was uncertain that the feeling was mutual hence why she tried to leave before the door was opened. Alex herself didn’t even know if it was mutual. Would she  _ want  _ to see her? Yes. Whether she should and reopen freshly healed wounds was another story. 

 

There was a time where all Alex felt was best for her  _ was  _ Maggie. A big part of her secretly still does. The Detective just took a second more looking at the woman she lost. God, she loved her still  _ so  _ much her heart felt like it would break all over again. She had every urge to close the long gap between them, she was sure that kissing Alex would still feel the same. Electric. Her nose crinkled when shaking her head “I should go-i’m gonna go”

 

As she turned, Alex took another step forward when saying in an almost cry “Maggie” 

 

“No, Alex” Maggie withdrew a sigh when looking back to her “I didn’t _fully_ anticipate how hard it would be, seeing you. I guess I just wanted to check on you that I forgot about everything else”

 

Alex wrapped her arms back around herself, right now wishing it was Maggie’s arms around her. Maggie wanting that too. 

 

With her eyes still glazed, Maggie nodded her head when saying in a sweet voice “You look really pretty” 

 

Making Alex aware now of what she was wearing and making her aware that Maggie was aware she had been out. Maggie refrained from adding that, then again, Alex was always gorgeous to her. She rubbed her lips together and muttered as she once again went to turn “I have to go” 

 

“So-” Alex blurted “I won’t see you again?”

 

She didn’t even know herself what she wanted from Maggie being here, all she felt right now what that she just wanted more now that she was here. 

 

Maggie tilted her head to her “Well. You’d know where to find me” a faint smile then returned to her lips as she  _ purposely  _ recited in a still broken voice “ _See you around, Danvers”_

 

She hadn’t said that in over a year but saying it now made it all feel just like yesterday, for both of them. And it took everything in Alex not to cry at it, instead she forced out a tight and tearful smile “See you, Mags” 

 

Maggie gave her a reflecting smile, when turning fully she stopped again for a second. Taking in a deep breath, pushing down the urge to run over to Alex and just hug her. Even though she didn’t want to keep on walking, she did. 

 

Leaving Alex to reflect and sink in on what the hell just happened, cause never in a million years did she think Maggie would appear back in her life just like  _ that _ . 

 

And the spark that she had lived without for a year suddenly felt a little reignited. But she buried though, she had to.

* * *

 

**I'm only just warming up. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Drop a kudos if not already and leave a comment on what you thought or would like to see happen.**


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Alex took herself to Kara’s apartment. She needed to see her sister and tell her what happened last night before having to go into work, before having to see anyone else today.

 

Kara flung the door open in her usual overly _perky_ self, she never understood why she had so much energy in the mornings, even if she was an alien she still didn’t get it. Kara practically _yanked_ her into the apartment as she held onto Alex’s arms and pulled her in “Come on! Tell me everything”

 

She couldn’t be blamed for being excited about Alex going on her first _real_ date since breaking up with Maggie, if Kara went on a date it would be the same excitement. Considering their jobs they didn’t always have the chance to sit together and gossip over love lives like a pair of normal sisters.

 

Alex walked into the apartment with Kara shutting the door behind them and then running to the kitchen to make them some coffee, babbling with questions on whether it was romantic, did it go well, will there be a second. But Alex just had to blurt out the biggest thing that was on her mind which she did when just turning back to her sister “Maggie is here”

 

Kara’s head snapped around to her “What? Like _here_ here”

 

“Like in the city” Alex nodded when beginning to pace and apartment, her palms roughly rubbing together.

 

“How do you know that?”

 

Alex stopped and turned back to facing her, her palms still pressing against each other “Because she came to the apartment last night”

 

Kara’s jaw dropped even further, and before she could even ask, Alex shook her head “Nothing happened. At all, we didn’t even really talk, after she knocked on my door she must’ve regretted it, I just caught her before she left”

 

Kara walked round from the table over to her sister, putting her hands on Alex’s arms “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah” Alex cleared her throat and gently pulled herself out of Kara’s hold, taking a few steps to the dining table and leaning down against it “It was surreal, seeing her. And I think it was for her too she just…” a sigh withdrew from her as she ran her fingers through her hair “She said she just wanted to check on me whilst she was here but didn’t think about how hard it would be-which is why she went to leave”

 

Kara folded her arms “What did you guys say?”

 

“Not much” Alex looked ahead, shrugging “I just asked her why she was here, she told me. And then it was pretty much just her saying that she needed to go. And that if i wanted to see her, I knew where to find her”

 

Kara then walked in front of her sister to get her contact back onto hers “Are you going to?”

 

Alex finally glanced her eyes back into Kara’s and shrugged once again, her words being muttered and cracked “I don’t know. I want to I think-but it doesn’t matter what I want it’s if I should”

 

“You shouldn’t”

 

“Wow. That took you _less_ than a second”

 

“I’m sorry you know I don’t mean it cause I don’t like Maggie cause I do. You know I like her but, Alex. You two broke up”

 

“She was my fiance I can’t just ignore-”

 

“She was your fiance that you broke up with for a very _valid_ reason. You still want different things”

 

Alex pressed her lips together before just bowing her head, pressing her fingers against her forehead and rubbing along her skin before letting out a deep exhale. She didn’t even know what to think anymore, what to feel or what to want. The question did beckon in her mind that she had broke of the engagement a year ago and since then the only chance she had at becoming a mom fell flat and deep down there was a small breath of relief that came with the disappointment, like it was a sign or something, after Maggie left _everything_ changed. Including the things that she wanted in life, seeing Maggie again just called into question if her desire to have a child was one of the things that had now changed.

 

Alex shrugged, sighing deeply when closing her eyes for a second “I don’t know. I just-I feel like she and I should still just sit down, talk”

 

“About what?” Kara asked in a still soft, concerned voice that Alex kind of hated because she knew she was saying it out of knowing that Alex would be feeling a little vulnerable about the whole thing. All Alex felt like she could do about the whole thing was shrug “I don’t know. I guess I...I guess I just want to see how she is, maybe sitting down and knowing she’s okay will make me feel some kind of closure. I haven’t stopped thinking about how she was doing”

 

“Maybe you just feel guilty-which you shouldn’t”

 

“Yeah maybe” Alex looked back over to Kara, and smiled ever so lightly “I just want to see her”

 

“Do you really think it will be a good idea?”

 

“What-”

 

“Alex” Kara sighed, taking another step forward to her and looked at her back in the eyes and decided to be completely honest and just say what could clearly be seen “You’re always going to love Maggie”

 

Alex rolled her eyes and turned away from her, walking to the kitchen table as Kara continued her speech “She was your first big love and no one can forget their first love, and you’ve been doing so well moving on. But she is _your_ kryptonite”

 

A scoff ripped from the back of Alex’s throat when taking a quick glance to Kara as she poured herself some coffee “Find another cliche to beat me with”

 

“I’m sorry” Kara laughed breathlessly, approaching the table and merely raising her brows as she strummed her fingers against the table “But you know I’m right”

 

Alex remained silent when bringing the cup to her lips and muttered quietly before just taking a willingly bitter taste “Maybe” she heard Kara just let out a smug hum, but when Alex put the cup back down on the table she still stuck by her guns “I still want to see her”

 

The sisters just looked at each other in silence for a second or two before Kara just sighed with her whole chest, it was then her turn to shrug her shoulders “If there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that I can’t tell you what to do” her head tilted to her “But you know what I think”

 

Alex did know, but she also knew that when Mon-El returned here after being away for so long, him and Kara did talk outside of work about _them_. And it helped her get closure. The break up was of course different but Alex needed to know if her not knowing all this time how Maggie was doing was the very reason she had found it so hard to put herself out there for what she thought she wanted out of life. She might have been the one to break it off, but that didn’t mean she didn’t need closure just as much as Maggie might do.

 

“So. The thing with Kelly?”

 

“It’s not really a _thing_ yet. I mean-yeah we’ve kissed and been on a date but I’m not looking into it I’m trying to take it slow, be casual with it”

 

“Just don’t let Maggie being back here compromise what you could have with Kelly”

 

“It’s not”

 

“Cause Maggie isn’t sticking around”

 

Alex bit her lip and tried to stop any emotions of pain from shining through her expressions, looking away to avoid Kara seeing it in her eyes “I know”

 

She knew _that_ was a piece of information she had to keep in mind with Maggie’s return. It was a _brief_ return.

* * *

 

Maggie was given back her old desk for the time of her being here, it wasn’t exactly being used it almost felt like it was left for her like some kind of damn shrine. She even bet that Warren makes the janitors at night clean it up all nice, she knew that he was hoping for the day she would come back and ask to return to the NCPD, but she couldn’t see that happening. Her wound was already having salt rubbed in it just by being here.

 

She really had no idea what she was thinking last night, showing up at Alex’s place, _her_ old place. One glass of scotch and suddenly she had some kind of liquid courage to go and see her former wife-to-be. As soon as her knuckle hit the door the sudden thought of _what the_ **_hell_ ** _are you doing_ came into her mind, if she hadn’t hesitated she probably would have gotten out of there before Alex saw her. Even now, in the new day, she couldn’t decide whether seeing Alex was a good thing or a bad.

 

Alex looked just as amazing as she always did, she seemed like she was in a good place, as far as Maggie could tell that was. Though she did miss the old hair. But Maggie had also kind of shot herself in the foot because seeing her again only reminded her and _enhanced_ on how much she was still in love with her.

 

And it made it even harder for her to concentrate on the case at hand. She had a job to do and she _had_ to focus.

 

_“My feelings for you are deeper than anything I’ve ever known. I can picture our life together. And it’s full, and rich and amazing. But there aren’t kids in that picture”_

 

Maggie still wished so much that she could change her mind about the kid thing, even now as a year past she always pictures how simpler it would be if she had that dream. But she didn’t, not even now did her view or feelings change. She really wished she could have done that for Alex, she still wished that her mind could have changed about children like it did about Valentines Day. But it never happened.

 

She didn’t blame Alex for ending it l, she morley so just was annoyed at herself for not being able to give Alex everything she wanted, cause that was her _entire_ life for the better part of a year. The fact that she couldn’t give her _that,_ annoyed the hell out of her. She hated that just _her_ wasn’t enough for Alex, and that was the small part that made angry at Alex, the only part really.

 

She spent just a few more minutes sitting in front of the paperwork and attempted to focus on it before she decided her brain was well and truly fried. She pushed herself back in her chair and got up on her feet, making her way over to the sorry excuse of a kitchen in the station to get herself a cup of coffee. The coffee here was actually good, thank god.

 

As she flipped on the machine, she rested herself against the counter and took out her phone to see that she had a voicemail. From Alex.

 

Maggie quickly unlocked the phone, went to her voicemail and put the phone to her ear.

 

_“Maggie! Hi-hey. Um I don’t really know if I should be calling or if what I’m about to say is even a good idea but...look I just was wondering if you wanted to meet? At my place or-or something. I want to just talk and see how you are doing that’s all-I get that it wasn’t easy, last night and all it wasn’t easy for me but it was good to see you amongst anything else... if you feel like it’d be too hard then I do get it. But I just-I don’t know I’m rambling I’m sorry. Just let me know, okay? Either way. Okay-sorry again for the rambling I’m nervous-bye”_

 

Maggie liked the rambling, she always liked Alex’s rambling. And that voice message alone made her smile as if it was old times, but of course it isn’t old times, things are very much new. But the context of the message, Alex wanted to see her. She knew it was all out of innocence, she could tell by how nervous Alex was, wanting to make it clear that the drink she wanted to get with her was just a drink, it wasn’t her trying to reconnect romantically no matter how much Maggie wished that were true. Alex just wanted what Maggie wanted last night. To make she was okay, happy even.

 

But seeing her would still hurt, it would still make her heart break. But maybe she _would_ get some kind of closure. It could go one way or the other, it could go one way or the other. Peace or pain. A russian roulette of a choice that she wouldn’t know the result of until she got there, if she agreed to it that was.

 

She went back to her home screen but then found herself falling into her pictures. Pictures that she had never been able to get rid of, the ones of Alex both on her own and with her. The ones with Alex on her own were her personal favourites, the candid photos that Maggie took of her especially, ones of her laughing when lying in bed, others of her concentrating on their TV marathons or her smiling to Maggie unbeknown to the photo being taken. When they broke up, Maggie had every temptation to delete them.

 

But the thing was, she didn’t want to erase Alex from her life at all. Or their relationship. It was still, to this day, the greatest and most powerful thing that she had ever felt in her life.

 

Which was why she text Alex back agreeing to the drink.

* * *

 

Alex shut the locker door in the changing room after getting out of her uniform and into her casual clothing, her hair back down to her side. Once again she ran her fingers through it, she was really thinking about growing it out again. Her back pressed against the lockers, looking down to her hands and seeing how they were already shaking.

 

Her eyes filling up just as the emotions built when thinking about going to see Maggie right now, she may as well get it out of her system here before she got there. When she got the text back from Maggie, telling her that she would be at her place after work at 7, she got the biggest flutter in her stomach. But perhaps she was playing with fire, fire being her own emotions.

 

She looked up to the ceiling to try and get her eyes to dry, when the door opened and Kara came in the room, still in her _Supergirl_ outfit. Alex quickly turned her head away and subtly pressed her finger against the bottom of her eyes to rid of the water by them as Kara said “Hey. You want to come to my place tonight?”

 

“Oh-uh” Alex turned back around to her sister once her eyes were now drier “I forgot to tell you, I’m having...a drink”

 

Kara raised a brow and tested “With _Kelly_. Right?”

 

Alex’s silence spoke volume to Kara and gave her the answer that she was not hoping for. A rough sigh came from the back of Kara’s throat “Alex”

 

“We’re just going to talk. Catch up”

 

“Alex she’s not just some friend you haven’t seen in a while she’s-”

 

“Believe me Kara. I know who she is” Alex’s tone came out a lot firmer than she had been before, but she was growing tired of this contracting attitude of the decisions she was making “I’m my own person, Kara. I’m a grown woman and I make my own decisions. It’s fine if you think me seeing Maggie is a mistake cause maybe be it is, but try to _understand_ that it’s something I feel right now that I have to do”

 

“I didn’t mean to-”

 

“I know you’re just looking out for me and I love you for it, but just let it be right now” Alex dug her hands into her leather jacket and took a few steps forward, stopping beside Kara before passing her and whispered “But when I come back to your place, a mess, say nothing and just have ice cream at the ready”

 

Kara hummed with a small smile and just nodded to her “You got it”

 

Alex returned the same, warm expression and then dropped it back to being nervous, letting out a deep breath as she grew closer to the door and left the changing room.

 

She wasn’t even sure what it was that she was even thinking about on her way to the apartment, so many things were running through her mind. A part of her asking her what the hell she was thinking about coming here for this reason, another part was just running through memories of their relationship, then another of just Maggie. But with it all overlapping and jumbling together it was all very confusing.

* * *

 

Alex got into her apartment just before 7, feeling like Maggie would be here any minute. That was if she doesn’t back out and see sense that this whole thing was a bad idea because maybe that’s what this was, a bad idea. She couldn’t settle once she was home, she just starting pacing back and forth down the apartment, practically burning tred marks into the wooden flooring. Maybe they should have met somewhere public, like Al’s bar, but she just figured that she’d have problems talking to her properly whilst being in a public place.

 

Plus what if she ran into someone she knew, half the regulars in that bar knew about Alex and Maggie if they saw the two of them together then rumours would start to blossom. And she didn’t need that in her mind. Above everything she felt like she owed Maggie.

 

She continued to just pace up and down, rubbing her palms harshly together, continuing in her paces up until the knock on the door went and her head snapped over to it. _Shit_. This was happening now, her heart began to race so much it actually felt like it was going to pound out of her chest. Her hands starting to completely tremble that she clutched them together, telling herself quietly to pull herself together.

 

Sharp breaths came from her mouth when making her way over to the door and pulled it back open to see Maggie stood in front of her, in a light grey shirt, leather jacket and dark grey jeans with little army boots on her feet. Alex leaned her head against her door for a moment and smiled to her softly “Thank you for coming”

 

Maggie reflected the warm expression and admitted with a light shrug “I almost didn’t”

 

_“Thank you for coming”_

 

_“I almost didn’t. I don’t think you’re ready for this”_

 

_“No I am. I just-I kind of went crazy and...I just feel like the universe is just magically smacking me down from being happy”_

 

Alex stepped aside for her “I wouldn’t have blamed you”

 

Maggie walked into the apartment and sighed “It’s not because...I just would’ve backed out if I let myself think about this too much” she turned to Alex and looked to her “If I over thought what it would be like seeing you. But above everything it’s _good_ to see you”

 

“Yeah you too” Alex simpered with a still nervous and awkward disposition, not quite knowing what to do with herself, she pressed her palms together and shrugged “Drink?”

 

“Would help”

 

As Alex turned to the kitchen counter to get over to the cabinet to grab the scotch, her phone began to ring. She looked to the ID and glanced to Maggie for a moment who just cocked her brow before bowing her head, Alex answered briefly “Hi-Kelly. Sorry I’ve been busy today-listen can I call you tomorrow? Yeah. Good with me, okay bye”

 

The way that Alex put the phone down and didn’t explain who the woman was on the phone to Maggie told her pretty much everything she needed to know, that woman on the phone was her girlfriend, or close to being at least, if it was of anyone of less importance Alex would have said.

 

Maggie said nothing at first, she just looked around the apartment and took note of things that were different, it hadn’t changed that much, just the photo frames that were of the two of them were now gone. She doubted Alex would have thrown them out, if she knew Alex as well as she thought she still did, she bet they would be in a box somewhere, she figured under her bed. Which was of course right.  

 

She heard Alex pull the bottle out of the cabinet, yanking the cork from it, another thing Maggie wondered was still the same was if Alex still collected corks. Her main adorably weird habit. The Detective bit her lip and then couldn’t help but poke onto the subject “Maybe I shouldn’t actually be here” she looked over to Alex when turning on her heel “Might not settle with your girlfriend”

 

“I don’t have a girlfriend” Alex stated pretty much right away, looking over to Maggie who had an expression that told her that she wasn’t being believed right now, so she clarified further “I’ve been on _one_ date”

 

Maggie’s lips pressed together as she tried not to let the picture of Alex dating another woman get in her head, sure she had tried dating again, but it wasn’t working for her. She just shrugged and recalled “I became your girlfriend pretty much after our first-or _second_ kiss”

 

Alex scoffed a laugh with her eyes going down to the glasses as she started to pour the spirit into each “That’s because I fell for you quick and hard”

 

Maggie stared at her for a moment, rather stunned just how casually she came out with that, Alex always wore her heart on her sleeve with Maggie but she didn’t wager that she still would a year after breaking up, Alex herself didn’t even think that would happen. Alex just looked up to the surprised look on Maggie’s face, with her brows raised “You didn’t have that with her?”

 

Alex shook her head, “I don’t think I’ll feel that with anyone again. It was pretty powerful stuff, right?”

 

Maggie didn’t quite know what to say and so nothing was really said at all, and after keeping her eyes lingered on the brunette for a few seconds more than she intended, Alex cleared her throat and glanced down to the glasses as she grabbed hold of both and walked over to her, holding one out “Speaking of strong stuff”

 

A smirk couldn’t help but tug on Maggie’s lips as she took the glass. _Nice diversion, Danvers._ The two of them sat down on the couch, Maggie crossed her legs as she faced her. She could practically see all the gears turning in Alex’s mind. Alex rubbed her lips together and finally looked over to Maggie “How are you?”

 

“I’m okay”

 

The Agent’s voice went to a brief whisper “Yeah?”

 

“Yeah” Maggie breathed “Getting there. Are you?”

 

Alex pressed her lips to a closed smile, nodding to her in a slow bob and merely mirrored her words “Getting there, yeah” she sucked in a breath “How is it at Metropolis?”

 

Maggie gave an undecided sway of her head “It’s okay. Kind of like here except _bigger_ and more testosterone on it’s local flying hero”

 

Alex almost choked on her drink when hitting out a laugh, giggling when looking over to her and pausing with her hand to her mouth for a moment “Clark is getting around?”

 

“Him and Kara are _very_ alike”

 

Meaning sometimes they didn’t let the police always do their job. Hearing Maggie vent about work used to be one of Alex’s favourite pastimes. Even if it did include her sister at times, it was entertaining.

 

“Your ranting was nothing other than free cable to me”

 

Maggie rolled her eyes, not being able to shake the smirk when running her fingers through the side of her hair “Not my greatest moments”

 

There was a small silence as Alex squinted to her before teasing “Aren’t they?”

 

“Well” Maggie tilted her head as her eyes travelled up to the ceiling for a moment “Ranting _here_ wasn’t so bad since you shut me up everytime with scotch and…” she stopped herself before clearing her throat and looking down to her glass, but they both knew what it was. Kisses. Scotch and kisses.

 

Maggie would pace around the apartment, ranting about whatever it was that was bugging her that day and Alex would cooly pour her a drink, walk over and put it in Maggie’s hand before just putting her hands on her soft dimpled cheeks whilst she was still rambling and just pulled her close and kissed her, washing the ranting away completely.

 

 _Maggie groaned, throwing her head back for a brief moment, continuing to go back and forth along the distance from the TV to the dining table “And I_ **_want_ ** _to be supportive-you know that I do. And I_ **_want_ ** _to not be a pain in the ass”_

 

_Alex just hummed as she poured a glass of scotch with Maggie continuing in her venting “But sometimes I just feel like I want to get up and just walk out, like honestly what if I just quit?”_

 

_“You’re not going to quit” Alex soothed, she grabbed the glass and walked over to Maggie who just shook her head “If hitting people in the workplace was acceptable I would have done it a few times right now”_

 

_“I know” Alex kept the same soft voice as she placed the glass in Maggie’s hand, the usual routine for this time. Alex’s hands travelled up to Maggie’s face, resting at her jaw and pulled her close, pressing her lips softly against hers. Maggie sighed through her nose as she embraced the kiss but then mumbled when pulling back with her forehead and nose still pressed against Alex’s “I’m mad”_

 

_“I know” Alex whispered, kissing her again. Maggie indulged once again before doing the same action to add in a still mumble “Baby-I’m serious”_

 

_Alex continued to just hum an ‘mm-hm’ and kissed her again. Soon a gentle smile grew across Maggie’s face as her lips remained pressed against her fiance's mouth, with her hand holding her glass by her side, her other arm loosely wrapped around Alex’s neck, pulling her closer, her fingers curling in her hair._

 

_Maggie just interrupted the kiss and pulled back for a moment, she took the glass to her lips and downed the whiskey in one go before putting it down on the table and turning back, tightening her arm back around Alex’s neck and pulling her close again, whispering with a slight giggle in the back of her throat “I like your comforting techniques”_

 

_Alex giggled with a small nod and kissed her, keeping her fingertips at the back of Maggie’s neck once deepening the kiss, her tongue running overs hers which she then couldn’t help but comment in amusement “Now you just taste like scotch”_

 

_Their foreheads pressed together when laughing, Alex kept her hands firmly on Maggie’s cheeks and went right back into a hard, deeply tender kiss._

 

_Maggie hummed a bashful giggle with her hand then gripping onto the front of Alex’s jeans and began to pull her back towards the bed._

 

It didn’t always lead to being in bed together, though a lot of the time it did, but it wasn’t about that. Alex didn’t do it for that reason, it just fit. _They_ fit so perfectly. That was half the problem too, it made it so damn difficult to find someone even in the same league of comparison to that.

 

Maggie then changed the subject after a brief silence to defuse the lingering tension “How is Kara by the way? And Winn, everyone-how are they?”

 

“Well. Kara is doing fine, saving lives as usual. We’ve had a pretty eventful year but she’s fine. But Winn, he left-”

 

“He what?”

 

Alex nodded to her “A while ago now. He actually went to the _future_ to join this thing called the Legion, with Mon-El”

 

Maggie’s brows went up even further “ _Mon-El_?”

 

“A _lot_ has happened”

 

“So he and Kara aren’t-”

 

“No he’s gone back to his new home. When the offer was there for Winn to go and work with him, he just couldn’t say no”

 

Maggie couldn’t help but frown “I bet that doesn’t feel the same”

 

“No I miss scaring him” alex deadpanned and only smirking when Maggie snorted out a laugh when dropping her head for a moment before asking “And J’onn? Is he still around?”

 

“Yeah but he’s retired as Director”

 

Maggie’s brows only went up again, there were many surprises to her right now “Oh yeah? Who’s filled those boots?”

 

Alex just gave her a look and after just a second or two, it clicked onto Maggie and she made a barely audible gasp when sitting back against the couch whilst Alex kept her doey bambi eyes on her, a grin soon broke out on Maggie’s face “ _Director_ Danvers”

 

Chills shot all down Alex’s body at the way the words came out of Maggie’s lips. She grumbled a low, kind of embarrassed laugh as she rolled her eyes at the title and just nodded, leaning forward she put the glass down on the table, hearing Maggie add “Suits you”

 

Alex kept her arms leant down on her now crossed legs with her hand against her mouth as she thought on that comment for a second, her temple then rested against the hand when turning her head and looking to Maggie and her warm expression that caused her stomach to do all kinds of flips “It kind of does, doesn’t it?”

 

“Yeah” Maggie laughed breathlessly, then saying as her eyes followed Alex who sat back against the couch and kept _her_ eyes forward “i’m happy for you” Alex then looked to Maggie who gave her another reassuring expression and a nod “I always knew you would do it”

 

“I didn’t” Alex scoffed light-heartedly, Maggie kept her eyes on her, now turning more confused “Sure you did. It was part of your whole life plan, you remember-”

 

“Yeah” Alex said faintly and mumbled as she looked down to her hands “Well sometimes life plans fall through”

 

It went silent between the two of them again, neither of them wanted to cross the conversation of them breaking up because the main reason being it was too hard and the second being there wasn’t much to say that they hadn’t already said. Tonight was to just check up on each other. _Closure_. Going over the past was not going to do that.

 

Maggie cleared her throat and felt like she couldn’t help but pry on the subject that tore them apartment “What about the kid thing for you? Anything?”

 

Alex bit her lip and broke into a sigh as she leaned back forward and put her hands to her face, covering it completely. Maggie didn’t even waste a second, she sat forward and put her glass down before turning her body and head to face Alex completely “Alex”

 

When Alex just whimpered from behind her palms, Maggie reached forward and took hold of her whin, whispering a “Hey” as she lifted the Agent’s head up to look at her. The tears and pain in Alex’s eyes was so unexpected but so heartbreaking to see that Maggie’s eyes only mirrored them, her frown just growing “What-”

 

“What if we- _I_ made a mistake?”

 

It had been on the tip of Alex’s tongue all day, she wanted to say it to Kara but just felt like it would cause problems. She wanted to refrain from saying it to Maggie out of fear that it would hurt her more or just make her angry that she was second guessing messing their lives up, but now it was out there now.

 

Slowly, Maggie pulled her hand away from Alex’s face and played dumb “Over what?”

 

“You know what” Alex weakly whispered.

 

Maggie just let out a breath through her nose and shrugged “Alex. Only you can know that. I would have…” she let out one more breath and decided to lay the cards down completely on the table “I would have been with you forever, that was all I wanted but I respected your decision that you wanted more. I hated that I couldn’t give everything you wanted-”

 

“But you did. I wanted you _so_ much but at the time where it was all happening that dream I had of mine with the kids was so _loud_ that when you told me you didn’t want them it scared me and I panicked cause it was a change. But ever since we...I’ve wondered if it was worth it”

 

“How long do you mean?”

 

“Honestly?” Alex paused as tears ran down her cheeks “Ever since you walked out that door” she swallowed thickly with a lump in her throat before crying “Because you weren’t just the person I loved you were my best friend too”

 

Maggie closed her eyes as silence tears streamed down her cheeks “Yeah” she looked back to Alex, sitting back “You were mine” with a frown only deepening when her voice began to break “And I miss you”

 

And just like _that_ Alex completely broke down, breaking out into a sob “I really miss you”

 

Maggie brushed her forehead against Alex’s as she leaned forward to comfort her, Maggie trying her best not to cry but her composure was completely crumbling, gently whispering Alex’s name as Alex leaned down, with her head resting down on Maggie’s leg, her hand gripping onto the petite brunette's waist around her back, just wanting to hug her and be held by her, she had longed for it for so long “I’m so sorry, Maggie”

 

Maggie took her watery eyes to the ceiling for a moment, closing them when hearing Alex cry out again “I’m sorry for what I did"

 

Maggie just covered her mouth when trying to keep herself from crying.

 

_“You’re all the family I need”_

 

She looked down, putting her fingers through Alex’s hair as if it were an old habit and then leaned forward, putting her arms around Alex and pulling her closer into a tight embrace their faces, burying into each other necks. Maggie felt Alex’s sharp breaths hit against her skin as continued to cry whilst also trying to calm herself down. Maggie just held onto her tighter “Stop, Alex”

 

She tried her best to soothe and calm the broken woman who was still the love of her life, all the while trying not to break down herself.

* * *

 

**I gave myself emotional trauma from this so no one can yell at me. ANYWAY I updated this a little early cause I'm going away on monday so I wanted to get a quick chapter in before I left. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and please drop a comment of your thoughts on what you want to see or think will happen in later chapters!**


	4. Chapter 4

Alex woke up the following morning to the smell of fresh black coffee hitting her senses like the welcomed friend it is. She blinked slowly when waking herself up to see it on the coffee table in front of her. She had passed out on the coach, it then soon came back to her on what happened last night.

 

How everything was fine up until she broke down in tears to Maggie, she remembered how Maggie held her and cried with her. _God_ why did she let that happen? Crying after Maggie left was the plan not whilst she was there, she didn’t want to bring all that up. But it just spilled out, she couldn’t help it. She noticed the throw that was over her body, and she didn’t recall putting it on herself. Alex was confident the tears passed her out.

 

When sitting up, she looked up to the kitchen and to her complete surprise saw Maggie sat at the kitchen counter on a stool, her own coffee in her hand. Her hair was now tied up but she was wearing the same clothes, evidently no longer seeing it as her right to wear Alex’s clothes, even though Alex was pretty sure that would _always_ be Maggie’s right.

 

As Maggie blew cool air to the coffee, her eyes flickered over when hearing movement as saw Alex now sat up looking at her. Maggie lowered the cup down from her mouth “Hi”

 

“Hey” Alex shook her fingers through her locks and cleared her throat “I didn’t think you’d-”

 

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay, things didn’t exactly go the way either of us thought last night”

 

“Where did you-”

 

“Sleep?” Maggie shrugged “When you used my lap as a pillow I had no choice but to stay on that sofa. Good thing it’s still comfortable”

 

Alex sighed and dropped forehead to her hand for a moment “God. Maggie I’m sorry. I didn’t want to get like that I-” she looked back up to her “I just think this whole seeing you again thing, it’s knocking my emotions around”

 

“I get it, Alex believe me I do” Maggie reassured, keeping a warm accepting expression on her face, she shrugged to her “My emotions are everywhere too. It’s really okay, you don’t have to hide your emotions from me, ever”

 

“Not even now?”

 

“Not even now” Maggie got up from the stool and made her way back over to Alex, who briefly put her head in her hands and let out a deep breath. Maggie took herself down and sat on the table with her hands wedged between her legs, it was silent between the two of them as Maggie kept her eyes on Alex who still had her eyes covered for a second.

 

Alex looked to Maggie who tilted her head to her, which still made her heart completely swoon, so much so that she felt like begging her not to tilt her head and look at her like that. Maggie pressed and rubbed her lips together “The things you said last night”

 

Their eyes just locked on each other, Alex knowing well what she said during her sobs, and she couldn’t blame Maggie was having it play on her mind, Maggie sighed and shook her head “Alex what did you mean by it?”

 

Alex rested her mouth against her hand as she remained in silence for a few seconds longer, Maggie shrugged to her “You were saying about making a mistake with us. That you were _sorry_. Does that mean you don’t want kids?”

 

“I-” Alex shut her mouth and lightly groaned when sitting back against the couch, gripping onto the back of her neck with her eyes closing for another few small seconds, her eyes went back over to Maggie, her shoulders shrugged as she dropped her hands down into her lap “I don’t know anymore”

 

Maggie looked down to her hands and tried her best to resist shaking her head, hearing Alex ask “Have you? Come to any change?”

 

Maggie just bit her lip with a small shake of her head “You’d know already if I had, you know that” she saw Alex just nod her head when she lifted her head back up to her. Alex wrapped her arms loosely around herself and just took in a breath “I know”

 

“I wish things were different”

 

“What? You wish I never wanted kids or you wish that you did?”

 

Maggie tightly smiled “Does it make a difference which way? I wish we wanted the same things. I wish that was enough”

 

Alex stared at her, completely stunned and slightly horrified “Maggie, you were _never_ not enough”

 

“I think if that were true then we’d still be together”  

 

“That’s not-”

 

“All I wanted and needed out of life was you but you wanted more” Maggie kept her voice soft, she wasn’t _mad_ she was just saying it like it was “Being with just me wasn’t enough for you. Yeah okay maybe we should have talked about the kid thing _before_ jumping into a relationship or an engagement but you can’t blame me for thinking that you would chose me over a dream especially when we were going to get married. You can’t _blame_ me for blaming you”

 

Alex raised her brows “You blame me?”

 

“As the one who got dumped it’s kind of my right” Maggie mumbled with a sad, heavy hearted smile on her lips.

 

“You make it sound like me saying we had to break up was some walk in the park-Maggie I couldn’t even sleep without you”

 

“And I could?”

 

“I’m not saying that. I’m just saying it was hard for me too, I had pain _too_ ”

 

“But we could have been happy! This past year we could have been pain free, we would have been married right now. But you ended for some dream that you might not even want anymore do you have _any_ idea how that feels for me? How wasted it all feels”

 

“Of course I have an idea. Jesus, Mags. I have been broken for so long”

 

Maggie leaned forward, pressing her arms down on her knees “On your own accord”

 

Alex let out a small, breathless scoff as she looked away for a moment and shook her head “Why didn’t you say any of this a year ago?”

 

“Because you can’t make someone be happy with you. I wasn’t going to be able to change your mind, it was already set”

 

“I was happy with you” Alex said sharply when looking back to her “Yes. I ended it. Yes maybe I am thinking it was a mistake and I was too hasty out of panic. But don’t make it sound like I didn’t love every part of you. I know I broke your heart but you gave up on us”

 

Maggie’s brows went up when sitting up straight, they then creased together hard before she retorted “ _I_ gave up on us? By begging for you to pick _me_ and marry me-I gave up?”

 

“No. By not trying”

 

The Detective grumbled a low, bitter breath and got on her feet, Alex pushing the throw off her legs and doing the same. Maggie stood by one end of the couch as she looked at Alex who stood at the other end “Believe me, Alex. I tried. I tried so much to get on board with the idea of a kid but what kind of person would I be if I had a child that I didn’t even want”

 

“You might have when-”

 

“When we got one? Do you _really_ think that’s some kind of risk I would have wanted to take. It’s not like trying on clothes and taking them back when they don’t fit, what the hell would we have done if we got married, adopted a kid and me still feeling the same way that I did?”

 

Alex bit her lip but didn’t know what else to even say. She knew that she was wrong by saying Maggie didn’t try and that she gave up, she knew that was wrong. But she was just clutching at straws.

 

Maggie then pointed to her and couldn’t help but seeth in stil bitter angerness “You told me that you were here to help me _heal_. Well Alex yeah you healed me but you then broke me in worse shape than before”

 

She always tried to hold that back, even when they were breaking up she refrained from saying it because she knew just how bad Alex would feel and she still wanted to protect her. But the hurt and anger just built up and maybe she _needed_ to say it. She saw the hurt in Alex’s eyes at her words, seeing her heart completely break right in front of her.

 

“That’s how you feel?” Alex whimpered “I broke you?”

 

“I let you in. You batted your way into my life into my _heart_ and then when we disagreed on one thing on what we want out of life you cut and you ran”

 

“It’s a big thing, Maggie!”

 

“Bigger than wanting to marry me?” Maggie’s voice raised to match Alex’s, shrugging her shoulder again “Loving the dream of a baby more than me”

 

“I’ve already told you _that’s_ not true”

 

“And yet here we are. I still find it impossible to look at someone else. And how big of a deal could it have been if you no longer know if you want it”

 

A silence built back up between them, Alex just being completely speechless and _horrified_.

 

Maggie bowed her head when withdrawing a heavy breath through her nose “Look, I didn’t want to argue with this about you. I don’t doubt your heart was broken” she looked back up to see tears down Alex’s cheeks, “But Alex. I still think you made a mistake, giving up on us. I’m sorry but you’re never going to chance my mind on that”

 

Alex just nodded with a sniffle coming from her nose as more tears ran down her cheeks. As Alex looked up, Maggie stood back up straight “I have work”

 

“Yeah. Me too”

 

Maggie bit her lip, exhaling a deep breath and then walked towards the door “I’ll see you”

 

Alex tucked her hair behind her ear, nodding “Okay”

 

“Like I said the other night, you know where to find me. Even if it is to say goodbye”

 

Alex’s brows creased together as she looked down to the floor, nodding her head when Maggie added in a still plain tone with sadness hidden in the shadows  “I’ll text you when I’m leaving”

 

“Sure” Alex whispered, still rather broken when lifting her head.

 

Maggie put her hand on the door knob and looked over to Alex once more over her shoulder. Wanting to say so much more, but she knew there was no point. She had tried getting Alex on her side on what to want out of life and it was no use before, she just saved her breath and her heart from breaking, cause god knows this morning hasn’t been easy saying what she said.

 

Alex just watched as she opened the door when looking away and walking out of the apartment, not giving her another glance, but she couldn’t blame her. She planned last night to cry _after_ Maggie left, and it seemed that still stood right now as she sank down onto the couch and curled up to allow herself to cry some more.

 

* * *

 

Alex knew how it would sound if she told Kara that Maggie stayed over last night, she dreaded how it would sound to Kelly. They weren’t together _exclusively_ , it had just been one date. But she still didn’t want to sound like she was playing people around.

 

So when Kelly called her shortly after Maggie left asking if she wanted to go for a morning run, Alex said yes and saw it as a good time to be honest and just let her know about last night. That her ex fianceé and love of her life stayed at the apartment but _nothing_ happened, she would know how hard to believe it would sound.

 

Alex met her in the park, seeing her stretch by the bench. When Kelly spotted her she just grinned “Hey”

 

“Hi. Listen-I’m sorry I cut you off last night”

 

“It’s fine you were busy”

 

“Well yeah but-”

 

“C’mon” Kelly gently swatted Alex’s arm as she went off on the jog before she could even get a word in. Alex grabbed her bearings which were falling apart and went after her, soon catching up, but before she could say anything else on the lines of last night, Kelly had a question of her own on a completely different topic “Hey so it’s been a few weeks now-have you heard anything else from the adoption agency?”

 

Alex opened her mouth but it took her a second or two for her to actually say something on it “No. I haven’t and...I’m not sure I want to anymore”

 

“ _What?_ ” Kelly’s voice came out all higher pitched “Don’t let one setback put you off Alex, you gotta go after what you want-”

 

“But I don’t know if I want it anymore” Alex shrugged as they continued to jog through the park, feeling Kelly’s eyes go to her for a few moments before looking straight ahead to where she was going “What’s brought it all on? I remember you saying it’s something you wanted more than anything”

 

“I thought it was but y’know I’ve started to look at it differently”

 

Kelly shrugged with a small nod “Whatever makes you happy”

 

“Kelly listen-” Alex put her hand on Kelly’s arm to stop them both in their jog, Kelly put her hands to her hips as she faced Alex “Maggie is in town”

 

Kelly raised a brow, having to think on it for a moment but it finally clicked “Maggie? As in your ex fianceé, _Maggie_?”

 

“Yeah she’s here for work”

 

“And by knowing this I take it you’ve seen her”

 

Alex nodded, folding her arms “I saw her the night she came briefly and then she came to my place last night”

 

Kelly tilted her head up ever so slightly “Oh”

 

Alex quickly held her her hands out “Nothing happened. We just talked I guess when she left we both felt like there were things we needed to say to get some kind of closure, I just wanted to make sure she was okay after everything that happened-after me ending it”

 

“Okay?”

 

“But-” Alex bit her lip “But I got pretty upset, _uncontrollably_ \- embarrassingly even, upset and she stayed with me. She wanted to make sure I was okay she didn’t want to leave me when I was upset”

 

Kelly rubbed her lips together as she just looked away for a moment, no one could really blame her for not exactly liking this idea, after all this was the woman she liked. She looked back to Alex and nodded to her “Thank you for telling me”

 

“I’m sor-”

 

“Alex you don’t have to be sorry” she surprisingly laughed “Look I like you, you know that. But we’ve only been on one date it’s not like we’re exactly _promised_ to each other. Even if something did happen it wouldn’t be in my right to go all crazy girlfriend on you. It’s actually kind of nice that after everything that happened between the two of you that she wanted to make sure you were okay”

 

“Yeah I guess”

 

A kind, understanding smile fell onto Kelly’s face “I appreciate you being honest with me, cause that’s all I ask, Alex. That if you’re ever not feeling _this_ or something like that. Just tell me”

 

It was fair, completely fair and Alex did want to be that honest. She just simply didn’t know what to say right now, and Kelly could tell by the way her words were practically jammed in her throat as she rubbed her forehead, Kelly took a step forward and took hold of her arm to get her attention back “Alex”

 

Alex looked up to her, to the same understanding expression as she added “This has messed with your head and I get that. If I were in your situation I would be the same. Don’t stress about it okay, we’ll just put a pin in things until the dust settles and your ex leaves the city” she dropped her hand “Remember what I said about reopening wounds fading in time?”

 

Alex just nodded, Kelly then shrugged “Rules still apply to this”  

 

A tight smile came across Alex’s face as she just nodded to her words, hoping that she was right. But then also another part of her wanting that wound to heal _by_ Maggie. Kelly was right for sure about one thing and that was that Maggie being here has messed with her mind, mixed up her emotions and feelings. It was always hard for her to think clearly around Maggie, cause when Maggie was close or in the room, all Alex ever saw was _her_ and only her.

 

Kelly’s eyes flashed to down the path, holding her arm out to motion to it “So are we going to stand here talking or are we going to get our steps in?”

 

“Steps in _please_ ” Alex breathed and the two of them started their jogging once again.

 

The topic of Maggie dropping completely, and the topic of adoption. Alex realised that without discussing those two things like they have done a fair few times, there wasn’t much for the two of them to talk about.

 

She and Kelly talked a lot about their background to each other, about their past relationships and about the whole adoption thing with Alex. That was the bulk of what they bonded over, it never occured to Alex until now that once those things were said and done they would have to find new things to talk about.

 

And that wasn’t coming to her as easy as she thought it would.

 

* * *

 

After the jog with Kelly, Alex headed straight to the DEO and had a shower there to then get changed into her uniform in the locker room. As soon as the suit came on, _Director Danvers_ came out.

 

Sometimes she missed the way it used to be, with J’onn as Director and her as his second command. With Winn sat at his desk making stupid film references and fanboying over just about anything remotely cool or to do with Clark, she even missed Mon-El being here to get on her nerves. She missed it when Maggie would show up. She missed the old days, she missed her _people_. Her tribe. Lately it just felt like it was all left to her, that she was all on her own.

 

Kara had to stay away from the DEO for months this year due to the conflict with the government, plus there was the whole Alex having her mind wiped for that duration that Kara was even Supergirl, so she was _alone_ alone.

 

The reason _Director Danvers_ was so present at the DEO nowadays was because there was no one around her anymore to just be Alex with.

 

But luckily Kara was back more full time now, so at least she had her sister back. Though right now all that Kara wanted to talk about was her personal life rather than any actual work. Alex was in the labs when Kara came in, probably just coming back from saving a cat or something since it had been a slow morning.

 

“Hey” Kara walked in, Alex just looked to her with a brow raised, knowing Kara’s agenda for coming up here to see her. She watched as her sister awkwardly kept her hands behind her back and took a big step into the room “So”

 

“So”

 

“I didn’t have you knock on my door for ice cream like I thought”

 

Alex briefly raised her brows with a hum as she looked away, down onto the desk “No there was kind of no need for it”

 

“Things went okay?”

 

“Not exactly” Alex folded her arms, turning and facing to Kara when leaning against the desk “I completely lost it-not in a mad way in a _crying_ way. I just sobbed to her. I told her I missed her”

 

Kara broke out a frown as a sigh came through her nose, bobbing her head as she stepped forward, putting her hands on her big sisters arms “Of course you do, it’s natural to always-”

 

“I cried so much that I ended up passed out with my head in her lap” Alex lifted her head to her “And she stayed with me all night”

 

Kara’s hands slid down Alex’s arms as she folded her own “She spent the night?”

 

“We fell asleep on the couch it wasn’t like we were in bed together. But yeah I woke up and she had made us coffee, she said she didn’t want to leave it like that with me sobbing like an idiot-and she didn’t want me to wake up alone after that I guess”

 

A small smile cracked onto Kara’s lips, yes she had her reservations whether Alex seeing Maggie was a good idea out of protection for Alex’s feelings, but it was nice to hear how much Maggie still cared.

 

“Well that was good of her”

 

“Yeah it was...except we got into a pretty big fight this morning and she left on it being even more unresolved than before between us”

 

“Fought over what?”

 

Alex’s eyes began to fill back up, her speech only coming out in a broken whisper “I hurt her so much Kara”

 

“Oh, Alex-”

 

“No I did” Alex stood up straight and took a step away from Kara, her hands clenched up into a fist as she held them close to her stomach “You and her. The only two people I have ever _sworn_ to never hurt. I know the break up hurt her of course but I _broke_ her I made her feel like she wasn’t good enough for me-and I wasn’t trying to do that I never meant for that I just panicked when the kid thing went off the table cause I always thought it would just be something to happen so when she said that she didn’t want it I panicked before even knowing if I _really_ did want it over her”

 

“Wait. What-”

 

“I chose the dream of a child over my dream of being with Maggie. I’m beginning to think that I’ve forced myself into wanting a kid”

 

Kara pressed her fingertips against her forehead and then held her hand back out “Alex, you almost became a mom like a month ago”

 

“Yeah and when it got back to me that the girl wanted to keep the baby I let out the biggest sigh of relief when I was left alone. I was disappointed sure but the relief I felt surprised me. It took me a year to even send the papers off I just...the idea of having a kid was _before_ Maggie. The idea of it after her suddenly turned my stomach in a bad way more than a good”

 

Her sister just stared at her in complete shocked “Where is all this coming from?”

 

Alex shrugged “It’s coming from the place I’ve been hiding for about a year now”

 

As Alex put her hands to the back of her head and took a breath when taking a few small paces, Kara couldn’t help but ask “Why did you never say anything?”

 

“Because I’m scared to admit that I made a mistake!” Alex turned back to her, holding her hands out and back close to her chest “I’ve been trying to tell myself it was the right thing for so long because if I give into it being wrong I will never be able to forgive myself. Cause I don’t deserve her anymore”

 

“Alex-”

 

Suddenly, monitors downstairs all started going off with alarm signals. The two sisters then just took a glance to each other before running out, seeing Agents beginning to run around in chaos. One stopping and looking up to see the two of them “Director Danvers! Supergirl! There’s an attack outside the National City University!”

 

Kara turned to Alex “I’ll go. You meet me there”

 

“Yeah go” Alex headed to the stairs as Kara flew off, she had to rid her mind of Maggie right now and focus on what was happening in her city that she swore to protect “STRIKE team now with me, all available agents on deck we need as many as we can get let’s go people!”

 

With Agents getting themselves together, they followed Alex down to the ground floor where the cars were to set off to stop the invading martian.

 

Unbeknown to Alex that Maggie was getting in a police car to do the exact same thing.

 

* * *

**Emotions are high please don’t yell. But please drop a comment below on your thoughts. I wasn’t 100% on this one, it’s more a build up! Thanks for reading and for all the comments so far!**

 


	5. Chapter 5

Alex reached outside the university to see the streets in complete chaos, people were screaming and some had the sense to flee before things got too much but others were either too frozen in fear to move or were just too captivated by whatever the hell was happening. 

 

She looked up at the martian of which was in the air and shooting  _ fire  _ out of his hands, they had no knowledge of this martian even being here, nothing was even on their radar this was very much a surprise attack. 

 

Kara was already on the case, flying up to his level and trying to drag him down to the ground, but he was strong and slick. But trusting Kara solely as Supergirl, Alex took on another job down here right now which was to clear the streets and clear the people to ensure their safety. 

 

The University building was by the park, Alex saw it as the best route for people to take to get away. She turned to the Agents who were beside her whilst some already went into action to shoot up at the martian “We need to get civilians out through the park!” 

 

“But what about-” 

 

“The flying Alien in the sky? Yeah I think Supergirl has that covered our job is to protect the people of the city so go and protect!” 

 

“Yes, Director” the Agents mumbled as they hurried away and went off to help. Alex glanced back up to Kara still fighting in the sky before she heard police sirens come closer to her from behind. 

 

Alex turned to see Maggie getting out of the car, with her bullet proof vest on and hair still tied up. Alex forgot how good she looked in her whole getup.  _ Now was not the time _ . But Maggie was just as guilty thinking the same thing, she had never seen Alex in her commander outfit before.  _ Now was not the time.  _

 

Alex walked over to her, almost forgetting their conversation from this morning when asking “What’re you-”

 

“Seems like you could use back up” Maggie said over the screaming and chaos. 

 

“I thought that you wrapped up the case and were going to leave today”

 

“I was but then” she pointed up to the sky “This guy showed up and I was roped into it” her eyes went back to Alex who had this concerned and protective look in her eyes that she couldn’t help but have whenever they used to be out on missions together. 

 

Maggie took a step forward and spoke to her cooly, with almost  _ comfort  _ “We clear the streets. Get people out of the way and make it a controlled area”

 

Alex just nodded and Maggie took a step back and gave her a nod “I have your back” 

 

Alex never doubted that for a single second. Not even after they ended it this morning the way they did “You too” 

 

Her ex love merely shot her a tight smile as they went their separate ways on the other sides of the street to divert people off the streets and to safety through the park. Trying to keep it as controlled and calm as possible, with the duration of doing so, Alex glanced over her shoulder to see Maggie pull out a young boy out of the window of a damaged car door, his arms wrapped around her neck whilst Maggie held him on to her hip, holding him securely around his waist, carrying him over to safety back to his mother. 

 

Alex almost found it cruel to see something like that in front of her, because Maggie was always really good with children. Despite her doubts now about being a mother in general. She knew how much easier it would be and  _ amazing  _ it would be if Maggie wanted them as much as she did a year ago. 

 

Kara finally brought the martian down and the two continued their fighting on the street in the gap that was between Maggie and Alex. Her attention went away from Maggie and her sister when she spotted Kelly being on the other side of the street. 

 

“Kelly!” Alex called, quickly making her way over and grabbed onto her arm “You can’t be here!” 

 

“What the hell is it, Alex?” Kelly nodded over to the fight, being like any other stunned civilian. 

 

“We don’t know but get somewhere safe-”

 

“I tried calling James and thought he’d be here. Do you know where he is?”

 

Alex tried her very best not to lose her patience. Kelly doesn’t get it, not the full extent of these things. She was very much still taken in awe by it all, and that wasn’t something Alex wanted to deal with right now “Kelly just-” 

 

The martian suddenly used a force from his hands, as Alex spotted it in the right second, she grabbed Kelly and pulled her down beside a car to avoid them getting flung but his powers were used in a completely different direction. Towards Maggie, and the force knocked her off her feet and sent her flying right into a car before coming to the ground. Hitting herself hard on both the vehicle and the concrete. 

 

“Maggie” Alex cried to herself in a quiet voice which Kelly still heard, noticing how Alex had a pain in her voice as if seeing Maggie in any kind of hurt, cause  _ her  _ hurt. And Kelly caught onto the name, she knew very well now who this woman was. Alex didn’t even look to Kelly, she just picked herself up on her feet and ran over to Maggie. 

 

Alex made the b-line for Maggie as she remained on the ground, dropping to her knees beside her “ _ Maggie _ ”

 

Maggie was groggy and barely even conscious, she had no serious injuries but just a knock to her head, still she couldn’t stay here on the ground when she wouldn’t be able to stand without feeling dizzy. Alex’s hands fell in two places, one on Maggie’s cheek and the other on the top of her head. 

 

“ _ Hey _ . C’mon”

 

Maggie grumbled with her eyes still closed and only managed to speak in a low voice. “I’m fine Danvers”

 

It was the least convincing sentence she had heard all day, especially when she couldn’t even open her eyes properly. But Maggie opened her eyes briefly enough to see the tears in Alex’s eyes from her sudden worry, Maggie pinched her brows together and simply shook her head as she reached to Alex’s arm and squeezed it gently when mumbling “Don’t…”

 

She knew the tears in Alex’s eyes wasn’t because she was scared. Because they both knew it wasn’t that bad, she would come around fully in just an hour or so from the knock to the head. Maggie knew the tears were because Alex loved her. Her being loved by Alex was never something she doubted. 

 

Alex’s attention was only pulled away when Supergirl came over, Alex looked up to see the alien threat being detained. Kara joins Alex down on one knee. “What happened?” 

 

“She’s took a hard hit” Alex sat back on her knees, looking to her sister “I need to get her back to the DEO” 

 

Maggie shook her head and muttered again “I’m good” 

 

“You’re not good-” Alex looked to her for a split second and then to Kara “She’s not good and I need to make sure her head is fine and that cut in her forehead is fine”  

 

Alex looked back down to Maggie, who’s eyes were open a little bit more but still heavy, she pressed her lips together and muttered to the dizzy detective “You want to pack up and never see me again? I get that. But before you do-let me clean up that cut and make sure you don’t have a concussion  _ please _ ”

 

Kara raised her brows for a brief moment as Maggie merely closed her eyes “I don’t think she’s in any position to disagree” 

 

“Help me out here” Alex muttered to her sister as she took hold of Maggie’s arm to pull her up. Kara then just beating her to it and lifting the detective up entirely and carried her over to the DEO truck.

 

Kara looked to Alex once Maggie was securely put in “I’ll meet you back there”

 

Alex just nodded and took herself into the back of the van and shouted ahead for the driver to get going and head back to the DEO. 

 

All the while, Alex had completely forgotten that Kelly was still on the other side of the road where she left her. 

* * *

 

It wasn’t long after being taken to the DEO that Maggie came round to full consciousness, her head would ache like hell for a few more hours but she was awake at least. When she opened her eyes, she saw Alex walk back into the room with a box which she knew would be  _ filled  _ with all types of equipment that would clean and patch up the cut to her forehead which she knew was going to sting like a bitch. 

 

Alex looked up and couldn’t help but smile when seeing Maggie was awake. Like she could finally let out a collective sigh of relief.  “Hey”

 

“Hi” Maggie sat up in bed and sighed when Alex walked closer “I meant it when I said I was fine”

 

“I know you’re fine but you got dizzy for a while when taking the hit  _ and  _ you’ve cut your head so I’d rather you be here so I can-” she came to a quick stop, she wanted Maggie to be here so Alex can take care of her. But she knew that wouldn’t help to say. 

 

Instead she cleared her throat and made her way over to the bed just as Maggie sat up and swung her legs down to the side to face Alex once she stood in front of her. This wasn’t exactly their first time doing this, patching each other up. 

 

Maggie rubbed her lips together when it went quiet between the two of them as Alex got a damp cotton bud ready to wipe the now dried up blood from Maggie’s cut. Alex’s eyes flickered to Maggie’s for one swift moment and then looked back to her forehead where she began to rid away the blood. Alex stood between Maggie’s legs and was so close that Maggie could smell the vanilla and honey lotion that she  _ clearly  _ still buys and uses. 

 

Maggie couldn’t help but look to Alex’s lips, knowing if she moved just an inch or two that she would be kissing her. She missed kissing her. Kissing Alex was like coming home. It was always a safe haven. 

 

Alex remained determined to keep her eyes on the cut to avoid melting into Maggie’s eyes “Even after all this time I’m still cleaning you up” she nervously and awkwardly teased, no longer knowing if she had the right to make such a joke, but Maggie did find it to be amusing. 

 

Maybe even more so because she noticed Alex’s nervousness, she knew the reasoning for it was because what happened between them this morning. But the amusing part was knowing that her awkward nature was something she tried to keep hidden, if the agents downstairs could see her now. The dorky, awkward and completely adorable woman of whom half of them are pretty scared of. Maggie did always like seeing the two sides of Alex, the professional and personal. She felt blessed to know Alex fully. And she hated the feeling that she had that Alex doesn’t laugh much lately, she could see it in her eyes. 

 

Alex stood back up straight and reached for the cotton swab which had the hydrogen peroxide on it. This part was something Maggie  _ really  _ wasn’t looking forward to. Maggie could take on anything without grumbling but  _ that  _ peroxide burns and stings like hell, Maggie hated it. And Alex hated doing it for that very reason. But she knew she had to just get it over with. 

 

She stepped forward again and put the swab to the cut, Maggie sucked in a painful breath through her teeth, and then Alex felt something she didn’t know she was expecting or not but there was some kind of warm feeling when she felt Maggie pinch her side. Because Maggie had such a pet peeve of this stinging, Alex would always let Maggie pinch her or squeeze her hand. 

 

When she began to clean this cut she wasn’t quite sure if Maggie would do it but she was glad that she did. For a split second it almost made her feel like nothing had changed between them for just a few seconds, like they still had these inside domestic things that were just between the two of them. It was things like that which used to make Alex feel whole the most. The feeling was mutual in that respect too. 

 

Alex cleaned it up as quickly as she could, it only took a few short seconds but it was like  _ minutes  _ to Maggie “Done”

 

Alex put the cotton swab back into the box with everything else and looked to Maggie as she removed her gloves “You’re good-you don’t feel dizzy or anything like that do you?”

 

“No I’m good”

 

A small breath of relief came from the Directors nose with a nod, Maggie kept her eyes on her and had to say what was on her mind, completely away from this situation right now “I’m sorry about this morning” 

 

Alex looked to her, shaking her head “You don’t have to be, everything you said you were within your right” 

 

“I know-but I know that you were broken too and I made it sound like I didn't think you were. I know all the sleepless nights you had” 

 

Alex’s brows pinched to her “Wha-” 

 

“God Alex” Maggie breathed with a heartbreaking smile “You think I didn’t feel you tossing and turning in bed all night the few weeks before we broke up? It was almost like when _you_ couldn’t sleep _I_ couldn’t sleep but I never said anything to you, I wanted to avoid the conversation, because I was scared...because I knew what it was about and I knew my mind couldn’t be changed” 

 

That was something Alex genuinely didn’t know, and it shook her inside just as much. She always thought Maggie slept through on those nights. Maggie pressed her lips together and looked away for a moment but then turned her head back “And y’know I still wish I could change how I feel cause I still miss  _ us  _ and not just in us being together and just mean I miss you as a little bit of everything”

 

_ Colleague. Friend. Love.  _ **_Soulmate_ ** _.  _

 

Maggie cleared her throat with another shrug “But I don’t blame you for going after something you’ve always wanted. Even if you are up in the air about it right now I still can’t blame you for it” 

 

“You should. Like you said this morning you can’t move on-”

 

“Not because of being broken but because-” she withdrew a small breath “Because you’re big shoes to fill, okay?” 

 

_ No one has ever come close.  _

 

“Well. Consider that a two way street” she saw how Maggie’s warm expression was mixed in with some kind of defeat with it all. She then cleared her throat and looked down when mumbling “I need to go” 

 

“Maybe you should wait out a litte” 

 

“Alex” Maggie gently prompted “You know we can’t prolong it. I need to get back to Metropolis, with all this going on I’m already behind”

 

There wasn’t much that Alex could do or say, she knew it was just making things harder by them just standing here going over old ground. Maggie could beg one more time for Alex to change her mind and choose her over this dream but she just saw it as pointless. And it would only hurt them more. 

  
  


_ “Can you do that again? Can you go another couple rounds? Cause I can’t” _

  
  


She used to hate that phrase if you love someone let them go, she wanted to hold onto Alex forever. She had planned for that even. But she  _ had  _ to let her go. 

 

Maggie slipped off the bed with Alex taking a step back as Maggie grabbed her jacket, Alex’s eyes filling up again. Maggie avoiding doing so up until she fixed her jacket up, she looked up to her and shook her head with her voice just being a whisper “Alex, don’t” 

 

Forgetting about tears in her own eyes, she reached up and quickly wiped her ex fianceé’s cheek “You know I hate you crying” her eyes caught onto Alex’s hair again and it was almost a subconscious habit that she let herself do by gently scraping her nails along the side of her hair, her hand curling round her ear before slipping off from her jaw that sent shivers down Alex’s spine. 

 

Maggie put her hand back in her pocket “I like the hair longer. For the record” 

 

Alex hummed as a small smile came from her lips and just nodded. She then bit her lip and said in a wobbled voice “So. You have to go” 

 

“You know I do” Maggie wearily responded to which Alex just bobbed her head again, pursing her lips to try and stop herself from losing her composure completely. Maggie looked down to Alex’s hand that was on her hip and put her hand over it, curling her fingers around to her palm “You-” 

 

She looked back up to Alex who met her eyes before Maggie continued “Are  _ still _ the best person I’ve met, known and been able to be with. Don’t let anything that was said this morning make you feel any different” she squeezed to Alex’s hand and pulled it closer to her to keep hold of her attention, keeping her eyes locked onto hers with her brows raised “Alex, I mean it. Promise me you’ll stop this guilt”

 

“I’m still so-” 

 

“I know” Maggie let out a breath and to stop herself from getting too caught up and crying, she put her arms around Alex’s neck for one last tight embrace, getting up on her toes to do so. Alex’s arms tightening around Maggie’s waist. This being the last time she would hold her, maybe even  _ see  _ her. 

 

Maggie squeezed her that little bit tighter before they both slowly pulled back. Their eyes locking to each other for a few seconds, Maggie returning back flat on her feet, hands tucking back into her jacket. “It has been good to see you, Alex”

 

“Yeah. You too”

 

Alex’s arms did the default action of wrapping them around herself, Maggie took in a breath when giving Alex one more lasting look and whispered a very faint “Okay” to herself before turning around and walking towards the door. 

 

Alex looked up to the ceiling for a moment with her lips still pressed together as her tears came and ran down her cheeks, soon bowing her head down and turning away to wipe her tears away. 

 

“Alex” 

 

She turned back to see Maggie still stood there for a moment with her hand on the door frame, Alex sucked in a breath to put on a brave front “Yeah?” 

 

“It’s going to be fine. We’re both going to be fine” she tilted her head to her and smiled again “Promise” 

 

Alex’s arms crossed over her body again to hold herself, her head just nodding frantically “Yeah, we will be” 

 

“I’ll see you” 

 

“I’ll see you” Alex sniffled. Maggie resisting every urge to run back to her and wipe her tears again, but it was no longer her job. And they would just go round in circles and exhaust each other again. 

 

Her fingers strummed against the door frame as Alex felt like she had to bow her head once again with her tears still running. Maggie’s back pressed against the glass wall for a moment, she had to give herself a few seconds to just breathe because without Alex that became so difficult to do. Just a moment and then she was ready to walk away.  

 

Maggie waited until she was away enough to let her eyes fill up and run down her cheeks when on her way to leaving the building, she glanced to the side for a moment to see Kelly coming up the stairs and catching her eye. She knew who Maggie was, it was obvious. 

 

Maggie walked down a few steps before coming face to face with her when reaching the bottom, she pressed her lips together before smiling tightly and saying in a polite wholesome voice “She deserves someone who can give her everything” 

 

Kelly remained silent and rather taken back that Maggie was even speaking to her in the first place, Maggie swallowed heavily and glanced to straight ahead before briefly looking back to Kelly and adding in a quicker, vulnerable ramble “And I hope for her sake you’re that someone” 

 

Not giving the chance for Kelly to respond. Maggie quickly moved and walked away to resist anyone else from seeing her crying, but she caught onto Kara just at the last minute. Kara glanced to upstairs and then back to Maggie “I know letting her go is hard for you”

 

“It’s-” Maggie bit her lip and took in a breath “It’s the hardest thing I’ve had to do” 

 

Kara nodded her head with her hands still on her hips and kept her eyes on the Detective “Take care of yourself, Maggie” 

 

“You take care of her, Kara” Maggie whispered, forcing a closed tight lipped smile and turned before finally reaching the outside of the building. 

 

Covering her mouth to muffle the cry that came out from her lips. 

* * *

  
  


Whilst Kelly made her way up the stairs and saw Alex through the glass, saw her leaning against the bed with tears  _ streaming _ down her cheeks. With hesitation at first, Kelly knocked against the door before opening it up. 

 

Alex’s head snapped up to look at her and then it soon all clicked, it clicked where she last saw Kelly. Her jaw dropped at the horrification of what  _ she  _ had done, she pushed herself up from leaning against the bed and walked over to her “God I am so sorry! I completely-” 

 

“Forgot?” 

 

“I know no matter how I word it, it sounds bad” 

 

Kelly hummed, tugging on the corner of her mouth for a moment when giving a stiff nod “I understand”

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“Yeah the woman you love was hurt I understand” she spoke gently and almost  _ sweetly _ , not wanting Alex to think she was mad when she said it because she wasn’t but it still took Alex by complete surprise on how she just came out with that. 

 

So much so that she struggled to find her words “I-well it’s just, Maggie is-” 

 

“Alex you don’t have to explain anything to me, I can see it with my own eyes. I saw it the way that you ran over to her” 

 

Alex wanted to find some words to go against what Kelly was saying but she also didn’t want to, she didn’t want to disrespect Maggie in anyway and denying her love for her would disrespect her. Instead she just turned around, scratching the back of her head when taking a step away. 

 

Kelly sighed and shrugged “Do you want to know what I think?” 

 

Alex put her hands back to her hips, turning back to Kelly with a shrug of her own shoulders “I guess” 

 

Kelly then took a step forward “I think, there was a reason you started second guessing wanting a kid. And I think Maggie was that reason. You had the dream before her about having kids but then she came along and your dream changed without you realising. So when she said she didn’t want kids it triggered you off and sent you into some kind of panic mode of letting go of something you  _ used  _ to want” 

 

“Therapy, Kelly. Seriously look into it-” 

 

“ _ So _ . You went with the initial dream you had over Maggie. Cause it had been there longer and you felt like it’s something you’d always want. But when you broke it off and Maggie left, something changed in you. Cause you waited nearly a year to even sign forms and that’s not because you were busy that’s because you  _ knew  _ that it didn’t feel right anymore and that is because you lost her and she became more important than the idea of children” 

 

Alex withdrew a sharp breath but said nothing, she simply looked down to the ground and heard Kelly add on “And you don’t want to admit that because you don’t want to think about how you made a mistake. You want the hurt you went through with Maggie leaving to be worth it and not that you’ve wasted time you could have had with her” 

 

“That’s…” Alex lifted her head back up in a whisper and slowly shook her head.  _ That’s completely true _ should be the end of that sentence. Kelly folded her arms and took yet another step forward “You know that phrase. If you love someone you let them go?” 

 

Alex bit her lip and just simply nodded her head as only a stiff hum came from the back of her throat, Kelly raised her brows and gently added “The ending of that phrase is also  _ for if they return, they were always yours _ . Do you see where I’m going here?” 

 

Alex then pressed her lips together, shaking her head and looked away “I don’t believe in signs”

 

“Oh I think you do. And this one was it” 

 

“Of course I’m always going to care about her and have a love for her” Alex turned back to Kelly and sighed “She and I-when we broke up there was an understanding. Neither of us liked it but we didn’t break up hating each other” 

 

“Yeah and sometimes that’s the worst kind of break up cause the person is harder to forget and let go of. If one of you had cheated or been toxic in anyway, letting go would have been a lot easier cause you’d know it was for the best but you  _ know  _ this isn’t for the best. My person died in Iraq. Your person is just about to jump on a train to Metropolis” 

 

Alex’s jaw dropped slightly with more words becoming jammed in the back of her throat. She forgets her feet for a moment and stumbled back against the counter, resting her hands against it and keeping her eyes down on her boots, she stopped the bullshit and trying to avoid denying it “I can’t just run up to her, say I’ve made a mistake and ask her to come back” 

 

“You won’t be asking her to come back to the city you’ll be asking her to come home” 

 

Alex looked back up to Kelly with her eyes now glazed “I don’t know” 

 

“Well look I can’t tell you what to do. I can tell you that I can see what you still feel for her and I can tell she feels the same because she just wants you to be happy but you can’t be happy without her Alex” her arms unfolded as her hand landed onto Alex’s arms, gripping to gently with a small squeeze “I like you, I do. Which is why I’m speaking to you as a friend here and I’m telling you that your second chance has just walked out of the building and you need to make some kind of decision whether you want to grab it. But I think whilst you figure it out. I’m taking myself out this equation” 

 

“Kelly I-” 

 

“Don’t apologise Alex, you’ve done enough of that” Kelly whispered softly, slowly shaking her head. Squeezing onto Alex’s arms again before dropping her hands back down to her sides “We’re still friends. And I’ll still be here if you need to talk” 

 

Kelly slowly began to walk back towards the door “Good luck, okay?” 

 

Alex smiled to her tightly and just nodded “Thank you, Kelly”

 

She wasn’t quite sure which exactly it was that she was thanking Kelly for. For understanding her blind panic back in the street, for understanding how hard it’s been with Maggie and for understanding the doubts that she has in her head about the choices she had made. Thanking her for being a friend. 

 

“I’m going to go see James but keep me updated okay? Like I said if you need to talk, or grab some coffee I’m only a call away”

 

Alex bobbed her again as another tight smile appeared across her lips with Kelly turning on her heel and leaving the room. Alex gripped to the back of her neck and looked back up to the ceiling. 

 

Everything, every  _ single  _ thing that Kelly just said was all true, and Alex had known that as soon as Maggie knocked on her door those two nights, everything that Alex thought she knew went out the window. Because she had seen what she had lost. 

 

So many times she had looked at her phone number and debated calling her but she was always able to put it off, seeing her however was such a whole new different thing, it hit her hard by actually seeing her. 

 

Maggie was leaving in under an hour. So whatever decision she was going to make she knew that she was going to have to make it fast. She would either put herself back into the dream and notion of a child, something she wasn’t even sure of anymore. Or made a turn from what she thought her life was going to be and go after Maggie, asking for another chance. 

 

The decision and choice came back around whether she could live a life without children. Because from what she had been feeling for the past year was that she couldn’t live her life fully without Maggie anymore.

* * *

 

**Quick note to say thank you guys for all the feedback you've given me with this so far it's all very appreciated! Please don't hesitate to drop a comment for this chapter on what you thought about it/think might happen. See you for the next one!**


	6. Chapter 6

Maggie opened the door to her apartment and hated everything about it as soon as her eyes set on it, it was just as miserable and empty as when she left it. Maybe she was hoping that when she came back after seeing Alex, she would come back to it feeling a little more whole or  _ optimistic  _ at least. But no, it was the same old apartment. 

 

Crummy, loveless and not a home. Maybe in time it would become one, she hoped. The past three days suddenly felt like this big blur, a part of her was still reeling from it actually happening. 

 

Half of her was thinking or at least imagining that Alex would take inspiration from  _ Garden State  _ or  _ Sleepless in Seattle  _ or just about any cheesy romantic film she used to make them watch that involved a running through an airport scene and do a copy of it, to come after her at the train station but it never happened. Maggie was never a hopeless romantic really, but she was a hopeless romantic when it came to Alex. 

 

But no, the realist part of her just laughed when she was on the train and on her way back to Metropolis. But at least this was it now, at least she now knew that it was final. That it was really done, Alex was with someone else, she was moving on and now Maggie could hopefully do the same. She might even be able to delete her number this time round, to maybe delete the photos. To really say goodbye. 

 

Maggie dumped her bag back onto her bed and headed right over to her kitchen, she felt like taking a glass of scotch and washing her troubles away, but really all she wanted was a big steaming cup of bitter black coffee and just lie across the couch, pretending to pay attention to whatever it was that she decided to put on the TV when really all she would be doing is reflecting back on the relationship she had, the one she lost. 

  
  


_ “She dumped me”  _

 

_ “ _ **_She_ ** _ dumped  _ **_you_ ** _? Who would do that?”  _

  
  


Alright, screw just the black bitter coffee she was going to add scotch to it instead of sugar. She grabbed the bottle and poured a thimble (or two) into the cup and made her way over to the couch, she put the cup down on the table and made her way over to her bedroom in the studio apartment. It wasn’t close to being as nice as Alex’s, as  _ their  _ place.

 

She took out her sweatpants that she wore for bed and the oversized grey hoodie she had that was initially  _ Alex’s  _ oversized grey hoodie, on the night she crashed at the motel she found it in her bag. The grey hoodie with a small outlined drawing of saturn in the corner of it, Alex wore it all the time, Maggie cuddled her when she wore it nearly every night, she didn’t know how it ended up in her bag and when she got settled into her new place she had half a mind to throw it out but when it came down to doing it she couldn’t. Instead she just started wearing it, because it was the only thing of Alex that she had left. 

 

She put it over her head, pulling it down onto her body and just looked down at it for a moment, tears in her eyes forming again as her arms wrapped around her own body, pushing the hoodie closer to her as well as trying to comfort herself. Maggie lifted her head up and blew out a heavy breath, muttering a “Stop it” to herself as she then walked back over to the couch and sat herself down as she took her now alcohol filled coffee and settled between her hands and resting on her lap as she got trapped into her own memories. 

  
  
  


_ Maggie looked to Alex as she hung up the phone and couldn’t help but start the teasing within the second she did so “I’m starting to think we’re gonna get some discounts the amount of times we order from there”  _

 

_ “Hey we’re not that bad”  _

 

_ Maggie cocked a brow “Oh no? A part of me is beginning to also think you’re gonna ask them to cater at the wedding”  _

 

_ There was a small silence between the two of them as Alex’s big brown eyes got somewhat bigger when just mumbling “Do you think they would?”  _

 

_ A giggle quietly slipped through Maggie’s lips as she just shook her head to her fianceé ridiculous and completely adorable mind. She sat back up straight from leaning against the counter “Just saying one of these days maybe you should actually try out that stove it’s been so long I’m actually debating on whether it still works or not”  _

 

_ Alex made her way round the counter with her brows raised “ _ **_I_ ** _ should try it? That’s how it’s going to be?”  _

 

_ “Oh yeah” Maggie smirked “I’ll make a wife out of you, Danvers”  _

 

_ “Really?” Alex indulged in a soft tease, coming closer and leaning forward to rest her hand on the front of Maggie’s seat where her legs were parted. Maggie just hummed with her lip bit and added in a quieter voice with Alex’s closeness being taken into account “Y’know when you  _ **_begged_ ** _ me to marry you I did agree with the expectation that my wife will be a good cook”  _

 

_ “Well” Alex’s voice was nothing short of a whisper as she looked away for a moment and then back into Maggie’s eyes “Hopefully I can make up for my lack of cooking skills in other areas”  _

 

_ Maggie wriggled her brows to her as she played none the wiser with a small shrug of her shoulders “Maybe” she couldn’t help but break out into a small fit of laughter that made Alex completely melt, which she made obvious as she whispered when leaning forward for a kiss “I adore you”  _

 

_ Their lips pressed together with Maggie’s lips still curled in the corner, muttering again Alex’s lips before kissing her “Love it when you talk soft to me” _

 

_ Alex’s hands rested on Maggie’s jaw as she stood up straight but still kept her lips on Maggie’s, standing further between her legs, Maggie’s hands finding and gripped onto the waist of Alex’s baggy hoodie. Alex pulled back and just gazed down at her “Seriously can’t believe I’m marrying you sometimes”  _

 

_ “Ditto. I seriously thought I would find someone who could cook” _

 

_ “And I  _ **_seriously_ ** _ thought I would find someone at least four feet tall” _

 

_ Maggie swatted Alex at her backside before returning her hand back to the chuckling woman’s waist, her fingers curling back up in Alex’s hoodie that was  _ **_so_ ** _ damn soft. Alex softly stroked Maggie’s cheeks with her thumb, dipping down and past her dimples as she did so and whispering along the way “You are seriously so perfect, babe” she brushed her forehead against hers “So much that i can look past you needing a boost to reach the cabinets” _

 

_ “Watch yourself” Maggie cooed, stealing a quick and gentle kiss from her again before looking back into her eyes, her arms then wrapping around Alex’s waist as she proclaimed in a warm voice “You’re lucky I love you” _

 

_ Alex hummed as the words poured through her body like warm honey “Say that last part again”  _

 

_ Maggie smiled to her when biting onto her lip, leaning forward and pressed a sweet kiss at the centre of her collarbone before looking back into Alex’s eyes “I love you”  _

 

_ “I love you” Alex whispered breathlessly with a grin still wearing on her mouth, Maggie’s smiling mouth being there to return to, Alex brushed her tongue against hers as their lips then pressed back together. This time her arms wrapped tight around the brunette’s neck as Maggie’s arms did the same around her waist.  _

 

_ Both of their smiles still lingering on their mouths whilst their kiss remained. Getting moments like this for the rest of their lives was all either of them could ever ask for.  _

  
  
  


Well, at least in Maggie’s eyes that was the case. She sipped the coffee no doubt quicker than she probably should have, no doubt tomorrow she would begin to feel that sensitivity of it in her mouth but right now she just felt nothing, right now she was just trying to get the scotch to do something to her. She leaned forward, pressing her fingers hard against her forehead, roughly rubbing against her skin. 

  
  
  


_ Maggie pulled Alex to her as soon as they got back to the apartment, kissing her fiercely as she unzipped her jacket and pushed it off Alex’s shoulders before putting her hands up to Alex’s cheeks. Wrapped up in each other as they further into the apartment, further towards the bed.  _

 

_ Alex pressed her forehead against Maggie’s as she pulled her lips away from the detective’s, her eyes going down to her plaid shirt as she began to unbutton it, Maggie kissed her nose before her hands went to the back of Alex’s neck to pull her mouth back into hers. Her tongue running from Alex’s bottom lip and into her mouth which gained a surprised yet still satisfied hum pour from the back of Alex’s throat.  _

 

_ Alex’s hands now finding Maggie’s bare waist from her plaid shirt being unbuttoned and parted. Her lips left Maggie’s once again but went straight to her neck, slowly and softly travelling down to her shoulder, collarbone then the centre of her chest. All the while Maggie’s fingers became tangled in Alex’s hair.  _

 

_ A heavy breath came from Maggie’s mouth with her eyes heavily fluttering when feeling Alex sinking down slightly to kiss her perfectly toned stomach. A smile then grew across Maggie’s voice as she just recalled and reflected on the events of their evening “You proposed to me tonight”  _

 

_ Alex hummed a small laugh against Maggie’s stomach and then stood back up to look Maggie in her eyes “I did”  _

 

_ The brunette then couldn’t help but giggle “You asked me to marry you”  _

 

_ “I know I was there” Alex grinned, a laugh then coming from her “And you said yes”  _

 

_ God knows why they were laughing, wheezing laughter even, collapsing against each other as they gripped onto each other’s arms, it wasn’t out of humour it was out of the surrealness of it all. The  _ **_I can’t believe we’re here_ ** _ kind of reality settling in between them.  _

 

_ “I know” Maggie laughed breathlessly “There’s gonna be a wedding- _ **_we’re_ ** _ gonna have a wedding”  _

 

_ “Not too late to back out”  _

 

_ “Oh hell no”  _

 

_ Alex cocked a brow “No?”  _

 

_ “No going back” Maggie dropped a low, smooth voice as she gripped onto Alex’s waist “And if marrying you means I get to have  _ **_this_ ** _ for the rest of my life” _

 

_ A smirk whipped across Alex’s face as she glanced to Maggie’s mouth and seeing her bite her bottom lip before speaking in the same low and irresistible voice “Well”  _

 

 _Maggie’s hands went to Alex’s jeans and quickly unbuttoned them, pulling the zip down to parten them apart as much as she could right now and pulled her close by still gripping into the jeans, their foreheads pressing back together and mouthed skimming against each other_ _barely_ ** _not_** _touching as Maggie whispered “Then I’m a very,_ ** _very_** _lucky woman”_

 

_ A grumbled and absolute around laugh came from the both of them as Alex closed the gap between them for the heated kiss to return.  _

 

_ Now heading back to the bed with no stops, but the excited giggled and loving moans filled the room enough.  _

  
  


And right now Maggie didn’t want them filling her mind, cause it was painful more than anything else. She drank some more of the hot brew in her hands before leaning forward and settling it back down on the table, pressing her hands against her mouth as she just stared into oblivion, the vivid yet quick flashbacks of Alex’s perfect smile, hair, laugh, eyes and just about everything else all ran through her mind. 

 

She screwed her eyes shut, kidding herself as if to think that if she did for a long enough time all the thoughts of Alex and the pain that came along with it would just go. The door knocked and her eyes immediately opened as her head snapped over to the door, she let out a quick breath and swiftly wiped her tears before she cleared her throat and stood up. 

 

It was in her detective nature to check through the peep hole of her door before ever answering it, not that she had ever been given reason too, she was just a cautious person. Maggie never got any visitors either, so she couldn’t imagine who it would be. But nothing could have ever prepared her for seeing Alex when she looked through the small glass circle. Her breath getting caught in her throat as soon as her eyes set sight on her, wondering what the hell she could have been doing here or better yet how she even found her, the last address Maggie sent Alex was a very temporary living situation and had clearly changed since then. 

 

Her hands began to shake immediately when they scrambled up to unlock the door, as soon as the golden chain dropped from its lock, Maggie pulled on the handle and pulled the door back to have Alex standing in front of her, and here Maggie was thinking she wouldn’t be as soon as she opened the door cause she convinced herself for a second that she was in fact crazy. But it appeared  _ not _ . 

 

Maggie kept her gaping expression on her, her jaw slightly dropping with her words getting jammed in the back of her throat “Alex. Wha-what are you doing here?”

 

“I need to ask you something”

 

“How did you even know where I live?”

 

Alex lightly shrugged with her face still clearly riddled with nerves “DEO has some really good databases” 

 

Maggie let out a frustrated breath through her nose before shaking her head, her shoulders hunching in a shrug when her hand dropped down from the door and running straight through her hair before dropping down to her side “This better be good Alex, I just put you back in your box”

 

“Only you can decide if this is good or not” Alex’s voice was soft, but in the way that Maggie recognised as it her being scared as well as loving. This wasn’t her coming to be comforting in anyway, whatever she wanted to say was taking every ounce of courage in her body. Maggie knew that, which is why she suddenly became  _ very  _ nervous.

 

The brunette stepped to the side and motioned to inside “You wanna come in?”

 

Alex glanced to the hoodie that Maggie was wearing and her stomachs did flips. It was her that put the hoodie in Maggie’s bag when she left, Maggie would always slip it on around the apartment, Alex knew that it was one of her favourite things to wear so it was the least she could’ve done as to give it to her. It was just always a feeling to her that Maggie would have either burned it or put it in a donation box. 

 

She stepped into the apartment and her eyes couldn’t help but wander around, it wasn’t exactly a homely place. If this was really somewhere Maggie had settled into there would have been bonsai trees up here by now, whenever she thought of Maggie during these past years she would tell herself she was settled in a new home with her trees and even a dog, that’s what she kept telling herself to make herself feel better. But now she could see her fantasy was exactly just that. 

 

Maggie shut the door and let out another breath from the sheer exhaustion of going round in circles. She didn’t want Alex here, well she  _ did  _ but she didn’t right now cause she was ready to let go. This wasn’t fair. Alex wasn’t being fair to her. But she told herself that there must be a very good reason as to why she’s here, because she doubted that Alex would put  _ herself  _ through this much less Maggie if this wasn’t important. 

 

She walked in front of Alex and turned to her when leaning against the back of her couch “What is it, Alex? What’s so important that you dragged yourself here?”

 

Alex’s lips pressed together as well as her hands that were shaking so much it was almost embarrassing, this was it. It was now or never. Because if she chickened out after this, Maggie would be gone forever and there wouldn’t be another chance at putting things right.

 

“Seeing you again really got me thinking, y’know. About stuff. About life and the way I’ve been living it for the past year and you showing up just made one outstanding thought so clear in my mind now…”

 

Maggie just folded her hands to try and hide her nerves best she could, taking in a shaken breath and merely raising her brows as a silent way to question what that thought was. Alex but her lip and shrugged “That I’ve been living it wrong. That I’ve been miserable for this past year”

 

“Al-“

 

“Wait please” Alex held her hand up before clenching it into a fist “Let me get this out. Me being sad this past year has nothing to do with having an adoption fall through or missing out on being a mom, in fact I wasn’t even thinking about that at all for months. And it occurred to me, quite clearly, that I went months without thinking of being a mother, but I never went a  _ day  _ for the past twelve months without thinking about you”

 

Maggie just looked down to the ground to try and stop tears from forming, better yet to stop Alex from seeing that she had them in her eyes. But Alex didn’t try to hide hers, she couldn’t even if she tried. Alex sucked in a breath and looked to a point of the ceiling “I have been...more than an idiot. There isn’t even a word to give justice how stupid I’ve been”

 

Maggie kept her eyes fixated on the floor before weakly shrugging when mumbling “Why are we going over this?-“

 

“Because I need you to hear it. To  _ really  _ hear it” a tear ran down Alex’s cheek before her voice came out more cracked “Because I’m finally able to say that I made a huge mistake, that I’m done pretending that I made the right decision in breaking up”

 

Maggie then slowly lifted her head and looked up at her, Alex’s brows creasing together when she words came out in a barely audible whisper “I can’t pretend that I don’t need you. That I don’t love you”

 

“Don’t” Maggie breathed with exhaustion, closing her eyes for a moment and shaking her head before she looked back to Alex “Don’t say that if you don’t mean it”

 

“It’s the only thing I have ever truly meant in my entire life”

 

“Your meaning for leaving me was pretty convincing”

 

Alex went silent for a moment at the comment, not wanting to go against Maggie’s statement cause above everything else she was right, Alex did show true meaning to leaving her at the time. And that was on her completely. 

 

“We’ve all done things we wish we could take back, Maggie. Even the things that we meant at the time” 

 

Maggie bit her lip before pushing herself up from the couch “Look. This is hard. In fact it’s just breaking my heart all over again, because I love you, Alex” she took in a breath “I still do and I hate that. And yeah you’re right, we’ve all done things we wish we could take back, but you were  _ so  _ confident in her choice”

 

Alex blurted “You remember when you hated Valentines Day?”

 

There was a silence between them, with Maggie having her hand held out with an expression to match her silent message of  _ what the hell has that got to do anything?  _ But Alex just raised her brows to her, Maggie dropped her hand back down to her side and rolled her eyes when breathing out with exhaustion “Uh huh”

 

“And you said to me that I was that one woman that could make you like it, remember that?”

 

“Yes,  _ of course  _ I do” 

 

How couldn’t she? It was one of the best nights in her life. 

 

Alex let out a small shrug with the nod of her head “It’s like that, for me. If I was with anyone else then maybe I would stick by my decision, maybe I would have gone on to feel like I still wanted to be a mom. But Maggie, you’re my one. You’re  _ my _ one who can make me see life differently from how I’ve seen it before, change my wants and needs out of life-and I know what you’re thinking, that I’m saying this now instead of a year ago and I know we’ve been over it but I’m here right now to tell you that I regret so much what I did” tears formed in her eyes as her voice went back to a cry “I know I don’t deserve it, or you. And I’ll apologise for the rest of my life to you. l want another chance, to be happy, with you. I am  _ so  _ in love with you...please come home” 

 

It was now in Maggie’s eyes where the tears formed, god she wanted that so bad. She wanted Alex so bad, but she was scared now more than ever before. Her arms wrapping around herself “How can you know you won’t resent it later?”

 

“The only thing I’d ever resent in my life is what I did last year. The panic of not having a child was more than actually wanting one. It was so clear to me when I was younger but I’m not that same person anymore.  _ So  _ many things in my life changed” Alex bit her lip and said after a moment “There’s that saying that  _ I can live without you, I just don’t want to.  _ But Maggie, I can't live without you, I’ve been in agony”

 

Maggie just looked away from her as a mumble slipped from her “I know that feeling”

 

“I’m not going to do the whole  _ I’m not leaving until you say yes  _ or wait outside your door. If you say no, I’m going to respect it and I'll understand it, I’ll go. But I had to come here and say all this, to see if there’s  _ any  _ chance” 

 

“What about that woman you were with?”

 

Alex walked over, closer to her “We weren’t  _ together  _ together. And it didn’t feel as natural as…” she took a breath “Look-she’s sweet but” another step, now being right in front of Maggie as Alex’s hands found themselves resting on her arms when she cried in a small voice “But she isn’t you” 

 

Their eyes remained locked to each other for a few seconds, both filled up well and truly until Maggie found it almost too much and bowed her head, her arms still folded as she remained stood up straight. Alex’s hands slid down from her arms when tilting her head to her and sighing “I get if you never want to see me again-“

 

“Alex stop talking” Maggie breathed with exhaustion and finally giving in as she lifted her head up and before she even knew it she had her hands grabbing hold of Alex’s face where she pulled her in for a hard, passionate kiss. 

 

It took Alex by surprise just as much as it did the first time Maggie kissed her, her brows raised in the same way before she sunk into the kiss, gripping onto the detective’s waist and pulling her close to her. She had longed for this for so long. For Maggie so much, she had  _ literally  _ dreamed about it. 

 

The kiss was a mix of being messy, passionate and  _ loving  _ all at the same time and neither of them knew how all of that came together but they just did. Before either of them knew it they were stumbling towards the bed. 

 

Alex’s fingers curling in the material of Maggie’s hoodie soon became familiar, but she said nothing, she was too wrapped up mentally and physically in being here with Maggie right now, her fingers wrapped into the hoodie before pulling it up and over Maggie’s head to show nothing resting underneath. Alex just took a moment and stared at her, each part of her body she remembered perfectly but every time it still took her breath away. 

 

Their eyes met, their smiles grew and matched each other. Maggie put her hand on the back of Alex’s head, pulling her back in for a harsh kiss, her tongue entering the agents mouth and brush swiftly against hers which withdrew Alex’s first aroused whimper of the night. At various times of leading up to them reunited in bed, both of them debated on pulling away to make sure with the other that this was a good idea, what they wanted. But they knew each other so much that they both knew this was something they both had wanted to happen for so long it was almost painful to even touch upon. 

 

Both bodies became bare when falling down onto the bed, Maggie mouth nibbled and left small pecks along Alex’s neck, leading up to her earlobe, cheek and returning to her mouth once again, rolling her body on top of hers. It was all happening so fast, soon the apartment became filled with moans, mostly from Alex as it was first Maggie who placed her hand between her legs and wasted no time, having to put her mouth back onto the detectives to project her moans elsewhere, but after a while the roles then reversed. Maggie’s knuckles going white from gripping on the headboard above her when she had her legs wrapped around Alex’s shoulders.

 

They had always fit just  _ so  _ in everything, so much so that having sex was so body shakingly powerful either of them had ever felt, past lovers both before and the odd ones after the break up could never compare to this, to  _ them  _ and how good they were together. 

 

It felt so right and so good that even now, as they lay in bed side by side, with the bed cover now over their naked bodies, neither of them had any flashing panic of regret. Both of them were aware how spontaneous and completely unexpected this just was, but that didn’t raise any kind of wanting to take it back. 

 

Alex looked to her, noticing how Maggie kept her vision to the ceiling, causing an unsettling feeling to stir in her stomach. Alex turned on her side to face Maggie fully “Are you okay?”

 

It took a few moments for Maggie to speak “I feel...weird” 

 

“Weird?” 

 

Maggie turned her head, a gentle expression settling on her face “I just-I never thought we’d ever have something like this again, that’s all” 

 

“Me neither. But do you reg-” 

 

“I’ve never regretted anytime I’ve had with you. This one included” her fingertips couldn’t help but brush down Alex’s arm, a sigh slipping deeply from her nose “But Alex I’m still not sure what to make of it. The things you said-I want to put my trust into them”

 

“You can” Alex takes hold of Maggie’s hand that was brushing against hers. Pulling it up to her chest, cradling it with both her hands. “I know I broke your heart. But do you think I could unbreak it?” 

 

The pounding of Maggie’s chest seemed to go heavier, so much that it could completely burst, her fingers curled and tightened Alex’s. “I want you to. I really do” 

 

Alex’s lips touched down to Maggie’s knuckle, causing Maggie’s breath to shake “But Alex I don’t want to be the thing that stops you from having a baby. We’ve been here before remember? Lying in bed together and going through all of this” 

 

“Except this time. I’m coming out with a different answer” she keeps hold of Maggie’s hand when she leans forward and presses a kiss against Maggie’s lips which was immediately reciprocated, Maggie put her hand to the back of Alex’s neck and to keep her close. She just wanted to keep kissing her, to take away all of the reality outside of this, kissing Alex was like it was two years ago all over again. The happiest moments of her life. 

 

Their foreheads pressed together when their lips came apart. Maggie kept her eyes closed, her thumb caressing along her jaw “I wish last year never happened, I wish so much you came to all of this a year ago”

 

“I know me too” Alex looked back to her “I don’t know-I guess I just needed the time to see sense. I’m not saying I was expecting you to wait for me or for anything to be in my terms”

 

“I know what you mean” she was more than familiar with Alex’s nervous nature causing her to babble on, the anxiety she gets when she gets so afraid of losing something. All Maggie ever knew what to do in that case was hold her, right now she just gripped her waist to pull her close, as if to tell her that it was okay, she was here. 

 

Maggie pressed her lips down to Alex’s shoulder before she sat up with the cover still around her chest as she leaned her back against the headboard, her palm pushing against her forehead for a moment whilst Alex just looked at her the entire time. Maggie dropped her hand. 

 

“Saying goodbye to you both last year and this afternoon was hard enough” she looked back down to Alex, her voice breaking in a more vulnerable manner “I don’t know if I can do it again”

 

Her fingers ran through the side of Alex’s hair, wanting to keep touching her as much as possible. Alex resting her head against Maggie’s palm, nuzzling herself into the hold that only made Maggie’s heart sink even further as she cradled Alex’s cheek in her hand. 

  
  


_ “I want to do more with you”  _

  
  


She still wanted so much more, but now there was just so much fear of taking the leap again. Alex bowed her head out of Maggie’s hold before sitting up herself, back also against the headboard. With it falling silent for a moment, Alex’s hand fell back down onto Maggie’s “So. What now?”

 

Maggie’s eyes lingered onto Alex’s, drowning in them for longer than she even noticed before she looked down to their hands which were still entwined with each other.

  
_ Both  _ of them then just waited for an answer to come from Maggie’s mouth. 

* * *

 

**I had fun with this one. Please let me know your thoughts!**


	7. Chapter 7

Kara walks into Al’s after getting a rather vague text from Alex, asking for her to meet there. Kara had no idea where Alex went off to two nights ago, she was just glad to actually hear from her after racking her brains out. 

 

When walking in, she sees Alex sat at a table by the end of the bar. Alex kept her palms together and only looked up when the corner of her eye caught Kara as she quickly made her way over. “Well nice to see you’re  _ alive _ ” 

 

“Do you have to be so dramatic?” Alex tittered with her glass of wine close to her lips, Kara remained her gaping expression her, waiting until her elder sister had finished sipping her drink and returned the glass down onto the table of which was beside another. But Kara didn’t take notice of that “I was worried. After the whole thing with Maggie I was worried you were going to go all closed off and...I don’t know just the way you were when you guys just broke up” 

 

“Well” Alex tugged a smile “I didn’t” 

 

A collective breath of relief escaped from the back of Kara’s throat when leaning her hand against the table. Alex’s lips pressed together, glancing over to the bathroom before taking her eyes to her sister “So. I’ll explain everything, about where I went”

 

“Good” 

 

“So yesterday after things got pretty intense. After you told me Maggie left crying and stuff I had to just get some air to think things through” 

 

Kara boobed her head to then raise her brows “And that air led you to?”

 

“Well-” 

 

An interruption came through Kara’s phone as it rang loudly from her pocket, she looked down to it and quickly answered “Lena can I call you back?” hanging up before the Luthor seemed to be able to give an answer. “Sorry. Sorry carry on”

 

But before Alex could even say anything more, the phone rang again, thus leading to Kara answering again “Lena-huh? Are you sure? Okay. Yeah okay fine I’ll be there” the phone went back in her pocket, Kara looked back to her sister “I’m  _ so  _ sorry I have to head to Cat Co there’s some kind of emergancy” 

 

“Kara-” 

 

“I’ll come by your place later and we’ll talk properly I  _ promise _ ” Kara glances and notices the glass beside Alex’s “Finish that for me, yeah?” 

 

Alex tried to call her back to insist on the importance of this conversation, one that they needed to have before she showed up to the apartment, but Kara was gone. Talk about a fly in visit. Alex dropped her forehead into her palm. 

 

“Hey” Maggie returned back to the table, sitting beside Alex as she took  _ her  _ glass of wine. Alex turning her head to her with a tired smile, watching as Maggie’s eyes scanned around and cut it short for her “She had to go” 

 

Maggie looked back to her “How long was I in the bathroom for exactly?” 

 

“She was literally here for like thirty seconds. Lena called her, some kind of emergency” 

 

“So you didn’t tell her?” 

 

“I had no chance” she concluded when reaching for her glass again and taking a sip, humming as she did so as a statement to tell Maggie she had something to add. “She’s coming to the apartment later” 

 

“Well that will be a nice surprise for her”

 

Alex’s shoulders rose only to fall a second after, her posture and expression soon melting into warmth, not saying anything cause she didn’t need to. Maggie’s stomach fluttered all the same, her hand falling to Alex’s, drawing circles around her knuckles with her finger tips “I guess when you tell Kara it’s going to be all real” 

 

“ _ Again _ ” 

 

“Again” Maggie cooed with a small smile “Then J’onn and...I wish we could let Winn know” 

 

Alex hummed “If visits it’ll be clear enough. That we’re-that  _ I’m  _ done being stupid” 

 

Maggie’s smile only grew, her fingers then locking and entwining with Alex’s. “Yeah. You and me. This is it” 

 

Alex’s thumb caressed along the back of Maggie’s hand “I love you” she bit her lip before she continued “I’ve loved you forever, you know that right?” 

 

“Yeah” Maggie brought the back of Alex’s hand to her lips, pressing a kiss against her knuckles. It felt like they had fell back into the first few weeks of their relationship, the mushy and deeply besotted with each other attitude. Well, they were always mushy and besotted with each other but it still felt like a clean slate with them, perhaps that was because in reality it was a clean slate. This was their fresh start. Their  _ second chance  _ at happiness, together. 

 

Their hands went back down on the table, still entwined with each other. Maggie looked down to them as Alex took one more sip of her glass, still stroking Maggie’s hand. “What we talked about…” Maggie continued when Alex turned her head to her “Back at my-at Metropolis. Did you mean it? What we said?” 

 

“Yeah” 

 

“I don’t want you to think I’m coming back on a condition” 

 

“I don’t think that, I understand and agree with what you said. Honest” she gave her hand a squeeze, her brows softly raising “Maggie. We want a fresh start, to put everything behind us so my answer is still yes”

 

Alex leaned forward, pressing her lips against Maggie’s dimpled cheek from her smile. Maggie leaned her head against Alex’s, nudging her head against her as Alex pulled away and kept complete eye contact when speaking in a soothingly attracting voice “I say we finish this glass. And we head back”

 

“For what exactly?” Alex teased, glancing down to Maggie’s lips that were still curled. 

 

“Just want to be with you” she leans forward to Alex even more so, her voice dropping to a whisper, “In whatever way that leads to”  

 

A hum escaped the back of Alex throat with a smirk still lingering on her face. She really couldn’t believe her luck when Maggie turned to her those two nights ago after their reconciliation and said to her that she was prepared to give it another shot. That if Alex was absolutely  _ in  _ for life and was sure about it, that she was ready to give it another go. A part of her was scared that Maggie would say this was the last time between them, that she just needed to get it out of her system, but no. Maggie was still the caring, loving and completely loyal person that she was stupid enough to briefly let go of. 

 

This time she would be sure not to screw it up. 

 

“Do you think you’ll get your position back at the station?” 

 

“Warren had my desk well and polished just for my fly in visit, trust me. He’ll take me back it’s clear he never found a replacement” 

 

“Pretty sure that’s because you’re not someone who can be replaced” Alex shrugged “Trust  _ me _ ” 

 

Maggie took in a breath with her eyes still lingering onto Alex, finding herself soon drowning in her. She had missed this  _ so  _ much, she had missed being able to have her on all the times she wanted to her, it was like the past year was erased. They could really just pick up where they left off without any changes to go through except the one they had discussed. 

 

She slid off the stool, standing still beside Alex when she grabbed her glass of wine and drank down the whole thing, with Alex  _ gaping  _ at her in complete awe. Maggie put the now empty glass back down, pressing the back of her hand against her mouth before turning to Alex and saying in a breath “Finish up” 

 

The look in the Detective’s eyes said enough for Alex to take hold of her wine once again and drink it down fast, causing Maggie to quietly giggle when rested her hand at the bottom of her back. Alex rested her now empty glass beside Maggie’s. The hand rested on Alex’s back then moving round to her hand, entwining their fingers once again. A shot of electricity going through the two of them, they really never had anything like this with anyone. 

 

They walked towards the exit hand in hand when Maggie’s eyes flickered to a poster pasted on the wall “I see they finally got the karaoke nights up and running. Any good?”

 

Alex looked over to the promotional poster and nervously just laughed with the flashing embarrassment of so much beer and Cyndi Lauper ringing in her ear. “No. It’s passable” 

 

Keeping hold of Maggie’s hand, she just led her out the bar before anything could be questioned. 

* * *

 

 

Alex cradled Maggie’s jaw as they lay in bed, Maggie’s head tucked into one shoulder whilst her hand rested up beside the other one, their eyes remaining closed whilst just resting in the moment. Maggie had back on the grey hoodie that was formally Alex’s over her naked body from returning from the kitchen with a glass of water. 

 

Alex’s thumb rubbed against the material with her hand resting at her back, a small smirk coming to her lips as she mumbled “I still can’t believe you kept this, I thought you’d have burned it or something”  

 

Maggie hummed, her eyes still closed, her body just taking a more heavy resting onto Alex’s “I’d be lying if a few times I wanted to” she looked up to her “But uh, I just felt like holding onto it-and you. Wearing it always felt like I had you holding onto me in some way” 

 

It might sound like a cliche, but it was completely true - and it still made Alex’s stomach flutter all the same. It even made her eyes glaze over, her thumb stroking her jaw when whispering as she leaned in for a kiss “I’m so glad I have you back” their lips pressed together. “Thank you”

 

Alex felt Maggie’s lips curl into a smile against hers before pressing into a deeper kiss. Maggie propping herself up on her elbow, holding to Alex’s waist as she rested back down more on top of her, continuing to kiss her. 

 

Alex’s arms loosely wrapped around her neck, pulling her even closer as they tightened. She had always  _ loved  _ kissing Maggie, especially like this, the slow, deep and completely intimate kisses that they shared. 

 

There was a knock at the front door and it suddenly reminded Alex that Kara said just two hours ago that she would come by the apartment. She got so wrapped up in Maggie being back and just Maggie physically that things were easily slipping her mind. Maggie slid her body from Alex’s as she leaned to the side and grabbed her black gym shorts and grey tank top. Maggie actually grabbing a pair of sweats herself just to have any kind of pants on in general as Alex made her way to the door. 

 

Alex opened it up, but not all the way, Kara flashed her a relieved sigh of a smile “I’m so sorry about before” 

 

“It’s fine. Everything okay?” 

 

“Nothing I couldn’t handle-J’onn is having a good time as you right now, like he had to for the past  _ three  _ days now. I’m ready for you to spill everything” 

 

Kara went to step in but Alex stayed where she was with the door still close to her body and  _ barely  _ even open, glancing quickly to Maggie who now just stood by the sofa and shugged to her. Neither of them really knowing what to do, Alex didn’t exactly prepare Kara for this whole thing. 

 

Her complete stand still brought an odd look to her younger sister. “Alex?” 

 

“Sorry it’s just uh”

 

A scandalous gasp came from Kara’s mouth before she whispered “Someone in there? Oh my god did Kelly spend the night?” 

 

“No. She and I aren’t-” 

 

Before even getting a say or being able to do anything to stop her, Maggie came over to the door and took it out of Alex’s hold to open it and reveal to Kara herself who in fact it was that was spending the night. And to say Kara had a  _ surprised  _ expression would be a severe understatement. 

 

Maggie smiled to her, tightly. “Hey. Kara”

 

Kara’s eyes flickered back and forth between the two women with her jaw well and truly still  _ very  _ dropped. Maggie pressed her lips together. “Well, now that  _ that’s  _ out of the way…” she glanced to Alex who just seemed both stunned yet unsurprised, relieved even that Maggie just did that. Maggie shot her a small smirk and walked over to the kitchen, opening up the fridge to take out some apple juice. 

 

“Okay” Alex quietly breathed, taking a step  _ out  _ of the apartment and shutting the door behind her, resting her back against it with her hands wedged between her back and the wooden door, she looked to Kara and shrugged rather simply “So that makes my explanation a lot smaller” 

 

“You...you went to find Maggie”

 

Alex nodded. “I went to find Maggie” 

 

“Does Kelly know?” 

 

“Yes she knows. She actually gave me the encouragement to do it” Alex bit her lip “It might have been just one date but I wouldn’t have gone behind her back with this I knew it wouldn’t be fair” 

 

Kara just slowly bobbed her head as it all wrapped around her head, trying to enline where all of this had fallen. “So. When Maggie left the DEO-” 

 

“My heart felt like it broke all over again” Alex nodded “She walked out of my life for the second time and it hurt just as much even after a year apart, does that not say a lot?”

 

“Yeah it-it does” she put her hand on the back of her head, Alex could tell that Kara wanted to ask questions but she wanted to be question and avoid the risk of sounding cynical or that she thought this was a bad choice, Kara dropped her hand down to her side “Alex are you  _ sure _ ?” 

 

“I am absolutely sure” 

 

“It’s just-y’know it’ll be a big deal. You’re going to be giving up on the biggest thing in your life” 

 

“No” Alex spoke softly, shaking her head. “No I gave up on the biggest thing in my life a year ago. And now I have the second chance in having it back, in having  _ her  _ back”

 

Kara went to speak again, but instead Alex just took a step forward, putting her hands on her arms “Kara, I know you’re just trying to be the cautious sister and I appreciate it. But I don’t need you to ask me if I’m sure on this one, okay? This is not something I have to think over, I pick her. I choose her. Thank god I get the second chance to do that, but this is my  _ final  _ choice. I’m not letting her go again-you saw how broken I was” 

 

“I know” Kara whispered. 

 

“Only she can mend me. I broke her and I broke myself, but together we can rebuild each other” her hands slid down and off Kara’s arms “I know you were torn when we broke up. I know you wanted me to have everything I wanted but also thought Maggie was my chance at real happiness” a small smile grew on her face “And you were a good sister in trying to help me figure things out on my own, and it took me a while, but I’ve finally done it”

 

Kara glanced to the apartment and took in a breath as it all sunk it, shrugging her shoulders as a small smile landed on her face “I don’t know what to say. But…” she looked to Alex and her smile only grew “But you finally look like yourself again” 

 

Tears built in Alex’s eyes, she nodded. “I finally feel like myself again. She’s part of me. I love her” 

 

“I know” Kara smiled “I’m happy for you. She has always been the key to you being happy” 

 

“Yeah she has” 

 

Kara then put her hands on Alex’s arms and pulled her close for a tight, warm embrace, one that Alex sunk into immediately and letting out a breath of relief when putting her arms around her little sister. Telling Kara about being back together with Maggie was almost like some kind of parallel feeling to when she came  _ out  _ to Kara and confessed her feelings about Maggie, telling Kara things made everything so much more real.  _ This  _ was real, this was her life again. Maggie was her life again, and for the first time in so long she finally felt like she could breathe and had things to look forward to. 

 

“Okay well” Kara pulled back “Now that I can see well and truly where you’ve been and who with...I’ll leave you to it” 

 

“Kara one more thing” Alex caught onto Kara’s hand, squeezing to it, “I’m moving- _ we’re  _ moving” 

 

“What? You’re selling the apartment?”

 

“Yeah” Alex dropped her hand “We want a fresh start, and y’know this place. It kind of feels  _ heavy  _ with bad memories-I mean there are some very good ones but we had multiple arguments in there weeks before the break up and then there  _ was  _ the break up Maggie just feels like our fresh start should also mean having a fresh start in a new place. And I agree” 

 

“I mean, I get it. But you love this place”

 

“I do” a smile still remained on her face when another small shrug came from her shoulders “But I love Maggie a hell of a lot more. We need a clean slate in a new place to make new memories” 

 

It did make sense. Like Alex said, as well as there being good memories in that apartment, the last memories they both shared in there were some of the worst in their lives. A new place for a fresh start would be good for the both of them. No longer having conversations ring around them like ghosts hidden on the walls.  

 

Kara smiled to her tightly “Makes sense. If you need any help with anything let me know, okay?” 

 

“I will” 

 

Her younger sister show her another smile as she began to walk down the hallway and said in a soft voice, “I’ll see you later” 

 

Alex just nodded to her and tried to contain her overwhelmed smile, her hand finding the door knob before she turned around and opened the door back up. Maggie looked over to her with her glass to her lips, a brow raised. She lowered it down to the counter “So. Did we get the approval?” 

 

“She does like you, y’know” Alex walked over to her, putting her arms around Maggie’s waist as soon as she was close enough, pulling her head body close to hers “She was happy for me. For us. She said something about you being the  _ key  _ to my  _ happiness _ ”

 

“Wow” Maggie murmured in a small tease “Why save lives when you can be a poet?” 

 

Alex swatted her side, then securely keeping her arms back around her but Maggie just chuckled all the same. Maggie rubbed her lips together with them still curled, glancing to Alex’s lips before looking back to her eyes “So. Kara knows, kind of the start of it being all real” 

 

“It’s always been real” Alex kissed her softly, her lips brushing sweetly against hers.  _ Innocent  _ biting Maggie’s bottom lip as she slowly pulled back “I just can’t wait to have this fresh start with you” 

 

“Me too” Maggie whispered “I’ll get back to my job. We’ll start looking for new places to live, things will go back to normal” 

 

“They’ll be better than normal. We can finally get that dog” 

 

“That  _ dog  _ has a name” Maggie teased “Gertrude is out there somewhere” 

 

Alex giggled and briefly buried her face in Maggie’s neck, she was actually looking forward to the arguments they would continue to have about which breed of dog they want. Alex pressed her lips against Maggie’s neck a few short seconds before lifting her head back up and gazed back into her eyes “I can’t wait to find her. A  _ fur _ -baby”

 

“Now that we can both get on board with” her hand went to the back of Alex’s neck, stroking her skin with her fingertips curling at the bottom of Alex’s hair that sent shivers down her spine. Maggie bit her lip, feeling some kind of nerves at her next question. Her eyes even filling up a little which caught Alex off guard. Maggie pulled her in for another kiss and asked her question when pulling back, in a hopeful whisper “You still have those rings?”

 

Alex burst out a tearful grin, with a watery breathless laugh, pressing her lips together to then nod frantically “Yes” she leaned back forward and kissed her hard “Yes” she pressed Maggie’s back against the counter with the kiss deepening. 

 

She could reopen that box that she kept hidden under the bed now with no heavy heart, instead she was taking to take out those rings not to reflect on in pain and heartbreak, but to slip back onto her and Maggie’s fingers. 

* * *

 

 

It took two months. Two months for them to pack up everything in the apartment, Maggie’s stuff was already in boxes from her moving out of her rented apartment in Metropolis, Alex’s stuff merely joined hers. It was only a week after they got back together that they went looking around places. 

 

They found an actual house, since most apartment buildings don’t allow pets and they really wanted that damn dog, so houses were on their list too. The fourth place they saw became one for them, it was in perfect distance of both their works but was also able to be right out of the city central. 

 

It was a perfectly quaint two story home with three bedrooms and one spacious bathroom. The yard was a good size too, both could already picture them having people over in the nice sunny weather, J’onn can do a mean barbeque. They could imagine their dog running around the place. And Maggie envisioned setting up her perfect collection of bonsai trees at the side of it. The kitchen was a good size too, decent enough for Alex to  _ swear  _ she was going to learn how to be a good cook in this new start of theirs. 

 

The exterior of the house felt like it matched them also, all white brick with wooden shutters and a small porch out front that was still big enough to have a swing to the side of it by one arch, with the other on the opposite side as they rested at the front by the stoned stairs that led up. It was unfurnished on the inside so they could make it up however they wanted. It was one of those moments, as soon as they stepped in, Maggie took hold of Alex’s hand and just looked to her, seeing the same expression on Alex’s face and they both just knew. They were on the same page. 

 

On the day of seeing that house was the day they put on offer in for it, and the seller took them up on their offer. Everything was organised so perfectly that they could practically move in straight away, the following four weeks, they spent making their house up. Alex’s apartment was cleared out and had people already making offers for it. 

 

It was eight weeks after they officially got back together that they had everything in order. And some may even think they were doing this fast, but really they were just  _ catching  _ up to the wasted time that they could have spent being in this new home. They didn't want to start fresh and do it all over, they just wanted to  _continue._

 

The night that they were officially all furnished and moved in, they had a small  _ intimate  _ housewarming thing, where Maggie met Nia and Brainy along the way, which sure was interesting. Kelly even came  _ as a friend  _ with James, and it wasn’t as awkward as either of them had anticipated. Alex wanted to keep it as friendly as possible. 

 

By the end of the night, Alex went to collect up all the empty beer bottles that were around the counter of their new kitchen. But instead Maggie pulled her from behind, into the front of her body, pressing her lips against her cheek “We can leave that until the morning” 

 

Maggie ran her fingers up the back of Alex’s hair to make the back of her neck much more bare when pressing her lips against it. Alex’s breath getting caught immediately, her eyes fluttering shut as she leaned the back of her head against Maggie’s forehead. The Detective’s arms soon moving round and wrapping further around her waist, her head burying into Alex’s neck and continuing to kiss her. 

 

“But-” were the only words managing to stumble from Alex’s lips until Maggie just held onto her tighter. “Come to bed with me, baby”

 

Her lips moved to Alex’s cheek, whispering against it “We have a whole twelve months to make up for” 

 

Alex couldn’t help the smirk that grew deeper on her face, turning to Maggie and  _ allowed  _ herself to be pulled down the hallway and towards the staircase, leading themselves to the bedroom. 

 

Maggie was right, they had a  _ lot  _ of lost time to recover. And they did that night, several times. Waking up the following morning still exhausted from it all. But eventually they did get to cleaning up their freshly moved into  _ home _ . 

 

The following week on their days off, they decided it was time for them to take another first together. They had checked off their first home together, they now wanted to tick off getting their first pet. 

  
  


_ “Do you wanna get a dog?” _

 

_ “Yeah. Let’s name her Gertrude”  _

  
  


They wandered further into the dog shelter with Maggie’s eyes still wandering around, she leaned back against Alex’s shoulder and mumbled, “Are we  _ sure  _ we want to stick with the name Gertrude?”

 

Alex just shot her a look to which Maggie just nodded when looking centre forward again “Got it” 

 

Compromise. That was something they had should've stick through with everything. Maggie got to decide on a big dog (though Alex wanted a big dog anyway but she acted like it was Maggie’s choice) and Alex got to be final on the name.  _ Compromise.  _

 

They were informed that a litter of puppies were dropped off just over a month ago and that they were eagerly looking for homes for them since it was a small shelter and there was only so many kennels they had. The fact that it was a litter of  _ German Shepherd  _ puppies was almost like a gift sent from heaven. 

 

Alex and Maggie were taken out back where they all were and they melted instantly. Getting in the play pen with them all, having them leap all over them and lick their faces. One of the only times Alex was actually okay with something jumping on her that wasn’t, well, Maggie. It only took fifteen minutes before they took a shine to one female puppy that kept making her way over to them several times. She was darker tan than the others and was kind of an outcast with her siblings. Pretty perfect really. 

 

The next thing they knew, they were signing everything they needed to in order to take her home with them. They went shopping days before of course and got everything essential as their next step in parenting a dog. 

 

Alex really couldn’t believe her luck, even two months after they had gotten back together and gotten their lives back on track, it still felt so very surreal that Maggie had come back to her. That she was now living this life that she had always wanted with her, and not for a single second did she feel like anything was missing. 

 

They weren’t getting married just yet, that was at the back of their lists right now. They were still going to keep picturing and planning what they want their perfect wedding to be just like before, but when it came to actually getting married they weren’t being as rash with it, they were just enjoying their time together right now, living in the moment more than worrying about what flowers to have on a table during their reception. 

 

All they really cared about right now was the fact that they were driving home with a puppy in the back, driving back home to their very real house of which they finally had together. Before the wedding, they were going to get through those firsts that they discussed. They were yet to argue over the dishwasher, but they had their entire lives for that argument to come around. 

 

Maggie carried their newly adopted dog down the driveway with Alex beside her, completely in awe of the puppy, so much so that Maggie was beginning to think it was a mistake getting one this cute because already Alex’s attention was shifting. She allowed the dog to nibble on her finger when they got to the front door, waiting on whilst Alex opened it. Looking over her shoulder to the dog and gushed. “Y’know Kara is going to have a field day with her” 

 

“We all are” Maggie mumbled, nuzzling her forehead against the dog’s before she was licked in the face again. Alex pushed the front door open, Maggie taking a step in and walking over to the back doors, opening up the yard which Gertrude took a b-line for getting into and scoped out her surroundings. 

 

Maggie turned back on her heel to see Alex still by the front door, just staring in awe. Maggie’s expression going warm, soft and the kind that makes Alex’s stomach do flips. Maggie walked over to her “You’re doing it again”

 

“What?” 

 

“Getting all deep in thought” and Maggie knew exactly what about, her hand falling down onto Alex’s waist “It’s all real. I’m really  _ not  _ going anywhere” 

 

“I know” 

 

Maggie got closer as her smile only grew. “And I love you”

 

“I know that too” Alex whispered, leaning forward and brushing her lips gently against Maggie’s “I love you” 

 

“We’re finally getting our life together” Maggie sweetly bumped Alex’s nose with her curled finger and a smile still lingering around on her face “And we’re not going to waste a single second more of it” 

 

“I can’t wait for every second” Alex whispered, pressing her forehead against Maggie’s as the brunette let out a sweet hum, still keeping her eyes on her fianceé and pushing herself back. 

 

Maggie rubbed her lips together when glancing to Alex’s and then looked back into her eyes “Close the door, Danvers” she leaned forward, pressing her lips to Alex’s cheek and raising her brows to her with a twinkle gleaming in her eyes “We’ve got a puppy to play with”

 

Alex stared at her with so much love in her eyes it was almost unbelievable how much she had to give, Maggie biting her smirking lip with an excited grumble of a smile when taking steps back, sliding her hand out of Alex’s before she turned and made her way back towards the yard to play with their dogs further. 

 

Alex just took a moment and watched it. She watched what was now well and truly her life, looking at the woman that was one hundred percent going to be her wife, without any second thoughts or any doubts. The woman who was going to be her wife playing with the dog they always used to gush about having. 

 

It was so incredibly clear that all of this was her new path, all of this was her new dream and nothing else was ever going to compare to it. So as Maggie said, Alex closed the door to their home. 

 

With a lifetime of memories ready to be made in it. As it should have always been. 

* * *

 

**That's it! Thank you guys so much for reading and for all your awesome comments I really do appreciate it. I hope you guys stick around for the next au I have planned to start posting soon(ish). Please leave thoughts!**


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